Heyo Date-san. 2 issues
Number 1: I don't seem to relate to anyone. I'm not even positive there is a solution to this, there are several issues, but the largest is that there seem to be almost no females who like video games. I like movies and music like everyone else, but beyond that I'm a big fan of video games.
I don't look like someone who's heavy into gaming (aka, a "nerd", but I don't like that term, for anyone). Anyway games are a huge part of my life, and I wouldn't relate well enough for a serious relationship with someone who doesn't play them, I think.
Further for reasons I don't fully understand, girls who wear things I consider fancy (that's the best single word I can think of) don't interest me at all, and by that I mean 99 percent of women.
When I do find someone who doesn't wear fancy stuff and is cute? I often fall head over heels for them, without even having talked to them, since it's so rare. That's another problem.
Number 2: Due to your advice over the months, I've gathered the confidence to try and enter the foray, but everyone so far has had boyfriends. Could you offer a top-10 list on how you know someone has a boyfriend?
- Looking for my Zelda
Dear Looking for my Zelda,
First of all, you're being way too picky. You've got to realize that nobody is ever going to fit your preconceived notion of what your soulmate will be like. Nobody.
I realize video games are a big part of your life, but if you close yourself off to people who aren't interested in them, you're really pigeonholing yourself.
I also think you're being a little shallow by dismissing girls who dress "fancy." It's admirable when people don't feel the need to spend lots of money on their appearance and still look good. But why should you pretend all people who do are a waste of time? I think you're being too judgmental. Just because they don't think like you doesn't mean they're not beautiful people who might be very compatible with you.
Now, on to the second item of business: the top 10 ways to know a girl is already involved
10) She's wearing a ring on that important finger.
9) She carries around flowers every once in a while.
8) She just hung up the phone saying, "I love you."
7) She's holding hands with some guy.
6) She's kissing some guy.
5) She's groping some guy.
4) She's you get the idea.
3) She's wearing a shirt that says "Property of (guy's name)."
2) She wears men's clothing occasionally, like his sweatshirt.
1) She says she is when you ask her.
- Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
I have this problem. I am a very friendly girl and I tend to have lots of guy friends. When it comes to dating however, guys tell me that I am too nice. But when I am forward about sexuality they shy away. What is the deal with that?
Do guys like mean girls who play hard to get? Wouldn't a guy like a girl with a little spunk?
- To be or naught to be naughty
Dear To be or naught to be naughty,
It's true that both sexes - not just men - tend be drawn toward mean people. We all want what we can't have, and when someone acts too good for us, it makes us want them all the more. That's human. There are always going to be people like that.
I think maybe you need to adjust your approach a little bit. It sounds as if you get to know these guys, establish yourself as a very friendly girl and then ask for more.
Why not just go for it at the outset? Try some different groups of people. You sound friendly enough, and most people really do love that.
- Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
My girlfriend and I fooled around for the first time this weekend, and I have a couple questions. (Sign of a healthy relationship: writing an advice column instead of talking to my girl, right?)
OK, we've been crushing on each other for awhile, even back in high school, but due to one thing and another, we didn't get together until just recently. Back when we were just friends, I asked her what she thought about sex, and she said she was planning to stay a virgin till she got married.
Here's the thing: when we were fooling around, she really seemed to be getting into it. I had to initiate each new thing, but she picked up right away and was reluctant to stop.
We didn't go all the way, because I remembered what she told me last spring. Was that the right thing to do? I'm pretty sure she would have gone along with me. Did I do the right thing here? Was I taking advantage of her to
go as far as I did? (I'm her first real relationship).
She gave me a really weird look the next day, and she's been acting kinda weird since. I don't know if she's mad cause I went too far or didn't go far enough, or what.
Question No. 2: All the other girls I've been with have been really, uh, vocal. You know, moaning and yelling and stuff. She was really quiet, and just makes little gasping sounds. I have to admit, that REALLY turned me on. Is that kinky? Do a lot of girls sound like that? Can you ask Dateworkia if they like moaners, screamers or gaspers?
- Gasp fetish
Dear Gasp fetish,
The first sexual interaction is bound to lead to a bit of weirdness, and I think that's the look you got. I wouldn't read into that too much beyond that.
You did what was right, because you didn't push the issue when both of you were vulnerable. She's made her feelings about sex known to you, and you should respect them even when it's difficult.
I'm not sure how well you communicate, but I think it's important for her to let you know if she's ready before you guys get all caught up in the moment. Tell her you won't push it unless she tells you beforehand it's OK. This might feel weird, but it could save two broken hearts.
And maybe she'll never change her mind. You have to be willing to deal with that as well.
Now to your second query - what say you Dateworkia? Do you prefer moaners, screamers or gaspers? Are you a moaner, screamer or gasper? Do you make some other noises that might or might not be appropriate for publishing? Send them in so we can get a read on this thing.
- Dr. Date
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