>Dr. Date,
So I've been in this relationship for about two weeks with this girl named "Trisha."
My friend told me she has been seeing this guy from my hometown so I confronted her about it. She said it wasn't true, but I just found out that it was true.
She wants me to give her a second chance and go to a twins game but I'm not sure what to do. Should I risk dating a liar?
- Fun while it lasted
Dear Fun while it lasted,
Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's not something you can change.
I have never met someone who hasn't cheated a second time. If you give her another chance, you're just going to get hurt again. Don't put yourself in a position in which you're going to be vulnerable and get hurt. Keep her at an arm's length. She's not worth your time.
Granted, you can try to go the friend route and go to a Minnesota Twins game, but don't let yourself get involved with her on a romantic level again. She's just going to repeat what already happened in the past and cheat on you again.
Is she still dating this other guy? You say you found out she's with this guy from your hometown, but you never say they broke up. If that's the case, maybe she's not even looking for a relationship with you. Maybe she just wants to be your friend now and maintain a relationship with this other guy. Or maybe she's just lying to you and telling you she's broken up with this guy but in reality they're still going at it like rabbits behind your back.
Basically, this girl is bad news, and you should keep your distance. Be her friend, if you want, but she's not relationship material.
- Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
Here is an interesting story for you to try and analyze
There is this guy, let's call him Carl, in one of my classes who I was interested in. He was cute, a real catch, I thought. One day, he invited me to one of his frat parties.
We had a ton of fun, maybe a little too much fun, if you know what I mean. We drunkenly crossed the line, but he decided it would be better if we were "just friends." Both mature enough to handle that, or at least one of us was, we started hanging out a lot. We would go get coffee, go to parties, just kinda chill, you know. We both went away during spring break to different places, and I guess I came back a little happier than he did. We were both sharing our wild stories on Sunday night and I told him about this one foreign guy I had some fun with.
He freaked out like a girl, aka: he was way jealous of my German lover. That night, he gets drunk to cope with his outrageous jealousy and tells me he isn't going to class in the morning because he needed "one more day of spring break."
At 1am my horrible ring tone wakes me and my roommate up from our sweet slumber. I really hate talking on the phone, so I was not happy. Guess who?! Half asleep I hear Carl's voice on the other end. He says, "Like me, not the German boy." He keeps talking, but I'm not really listening at this point. I just want to go back to bed. And I know my roommate is about to take my phone and throw it out the window that doesn't open.
How could this make him so crazy? What are the odds that I really am ever going to see my spring break boy again? He doesn't even speak English!! And I don't speak German. This whole week Carl has been nothing but a jerk. Before all this, we used to chat after class and so on. Now, he bolts out of the room like he is about to hurl.
After about the 16,000 AIM angry-face had been sent to me, and the blocking/unblocking war started, Carl IM's me one final time proclaiming "I'm cutting you off," and disappears again. What is his deal, yo? Hey ya.
- Cut off
Dear Cut off,
His deal is that he thinks your relationship is more than you do. Even though he said you should just be friends, he didn't mean it. What he meant was: "I'll sleep around, but I want you to be just for me."
You hit the nail right on the head. The guy is a jerk. And he's very jealous of any guy who might take his place in your life.
If you want this guy to be in your life, you need to set boundaries now. Decide if you're going to be friends, friends with benefits or try for a full relationship. It might, however, be a little too late because you're apparently "cut off."
Once a guy takes that step and tells you you're out of his life, that's it. Even if he wants you back as a friend or whatever, he doesn't deserve to have you in his life.
Nobody can maintain a friendship, or have to, once he or she's been "cut off." This guy is a jerk. Block him on AIM again. Delete him as your friend from thefacebook.com and stop calling him. Trust me when I say he's not your friend and he's not worth the drama and heartache.
- Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
I have a problem getting into a relationship past "I like you, you like me".
The problem is, I seem to like a guy, but once I get to know him, the lust fades away and I just like him as a friend.
I get really mad at myself about this because I want a boyfriend but I never let myself have one.
How do I turn the lust into love, rather than into friendship?
- Loveless
Dear Loveless,
If it were as easy as flipping a switch, everyone would be in a relationship.
You can't just turn lust into love because you want a boyfriend. And you don't love someone right off the bat. Of course you're going to lust after someone until you get to know that person.
If that person doesn't elicit love, that person just isn't for you. You will find that love someday. Until then, you're just going to have to cope with having lustful feelings for all those hot guys on campus.
- Dr. Date
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