Network

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From TwEaK

So, I thought that I would try this whole summer Network thing, Net: We're actually much more delicious when enjoyed on a porch during a hot June afternoon. and I must say it is pretty damn awesome. Net: We get endorsements like that all the time, especially from some really friendly old guys who say they're in some club called NAMBLA. Hopefully all of the annual construction on the ever-important sidewalk restoration is going as planned. Net: We wouldn't want alumni laced with petty cash to trip and accidently drop $100s into the U's budget. We all know that is where all the money goes... Net: Amateur hardcore porn film funding with the Regents as producers! well that and Fun Bobby's addiction to candy. If Willy Wonka hadn't gotten him addicted to the sweet stuff then maybe our tuition rates would be lower. Net: Bobby was the fat kid who got stuck in the tube or whatever. But seeing Fun Bobby on a candy high has to be the highlight of anybody's day. Net: Isn't that why we haven't fired him yet? I see that "Hot Girl Camp" is going well again, although the numbers always decline during the summer months because of our land-locked position below Canada's taint. Net: That raises a very good question, Networkia. Canadian girls: hot or not hot? Although Iowa is still our South; so, feel free to poop on them. Net: They sort of already have all the cow shi(R)t they can handle, but what the hell, what's a few extra tons of human feces, right? On an unrelated note, I am glad that darwinistsaredumb found the elusive great white of the campus. Net: We heard that squirrel will give you three wishes if you can catch it. It's too bad that he wasn't a ninja (or a really good pirate)… Net: Don't send a pirate to do a ninja's job. Everyone knows a pirate couldn't even catch scurvy on the good ship "Queen Anne's Revenge." otherwise he could have caught the great white and sold it to the book store for a few bucks, since they give us nothing but the best prices for our used books. Net: Yeah … remember that 4,000-page history book on Stalin you paid $200 for? It's worth a shiny nickel now. They could have then given the great white to Fun Bobby, Net: Why? So he can overcharge it tuition? and after a few months and a lot of bleach, we would have a white Goldy with red eyes. Net: Great, then we could finally change Goldy's name to "The Great White Demon." Then we would have the most feared mascot in all the land. Net: God help us if we end up with a KKK chapter at the University anytime soon.

From McGrillFryEggPizzas

Network, you must be the most sexy thing I have ever thought of. Net: We get that one all the time, too. Unfortunately, we are saving ourselves for marriage, so… Well, except for that video of David Hasselhoff with his shirt off eating a cheeseburger. Net: Oh, yes, the pretentious dick that is David Hasselhoff shows his true colors. It's probably a work of art. That was a work of art. Net: Oh. Anyway, my summer is pretty f-ing crazy cause I had two cars break down on me Net: Sounds like your home life. Sad, but true, right? and then the dealership I bought the car from gave me a loaner car. Net: We recommend beating the living hell out of the loaner. The loaner is pretty nice, the model year is 2007. I'm thinking I'll just keep the loaner and they can keep the car I actually bought. Net: Yes, because car salespeople enjoy taking it in the ass instead of giving it. I'm pretty sure that's a fair trade. Net: Good luck with that. OK, Net, I'm out like Hilary Clinton…someday. Net: You wouldn't feel sorry for her if you realized she's married to BILL CLINTON!

Well, that's it for now. Take it easy, Networkia… Until next time…