Holla Backlash

>Breaking Uncle Jesse's heart? How rude!

After an engagement that lasted longer than most Hollywood weddings endure, Rebecca Romijn (tear, Uncle Jesse - we mean John Stamos) and, ugh, Jerry O'Connell (whose slimier than the cockroaches he costarred with in "Joe's Apartment") have finally tied the knot.

Too bad no one cares. Except ol' Johnny Stamos, who is having enough problems on his own.

The ER star was flown to Australia to promote the show and, well, he put on quite a show. He paraded around and babbled on about nothing on a popular talk show, leading many (everyone) to believe he was drunk as a skunk. We've seen the video. It ain't pretty.

Stamos then apologized for the incident, claiming that early that morning he had taken Ambien, a sleep aid, without enough time to let the drug properly run its course.

Let that be a good ol' fashioned Tanner Family lesson to you, Uncle Jesse: heartbreaks cannot be healed with sleeping pills. When you wake up, your beautiful ex-wife will still be married to the star of "Kangaroo Jack!"

Shouldn't it have been called New Yorkie?

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have new fave accessories: precious little pooches. Both have been spotted carrying their new Yorkshire Terriers around Hollywood.

Paris dressed her dog in a custom-made bikini and hit up a beach party. Oh Paris, don't you see? We can forgive you for the jail thing, for subjecting us all to your idiocy, for flaunting daddy's money … but it's the little things like dog bikinis that really fuel the world's hatred of you.

Ms. Spears, always keeping up with the Hiltons, couldn't resist the trend of naming something small, frightfully skinny and helpless after a city. The lil' Yorkie is named London.

Pharmacists can refuse to provide birth control and the morning-after pill, so can't pet-shop owners refuse to sell these poor little puppies to the likes of these two?

We love Britney like a third nipple, but c'mon now. Does she really need another soul depending on her for food, love and attention? Doesn't her hired help have enough to do?

In other Brit-Brit news, rumor has it she has a stalker who keeps tattling on her for being a bad ma. Hmm, Holla isn't sure that's called a stalker. We think normally, that's an "official" or an "authority." But we'll give her the benefit of the doubt yet again.

A mighty heart - an even mightier prenup

Rumor has it Brangelina is signing a prenup to the tune of $220 million. Wowza.

While we're not sure if we believe all the whisperin' about the two planning a spring surprise (c'mon, how many times have we heard this before?), it's exciting to think that maybe the two'll wed.

Because they'll be so very happy together? No. Because it'll show that Mr. B-rad Pitt isn't about falling in love so much as he is about following a love. We're just waitin' for Ang to come to her senses and kick him to the street. Of course at that point he'll go after the newest Hollywood hottie. And get her. Because Brad Pitt always has a happy ending.

A change is gonna come, totally!

Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab. She spent a solid 45 days behind bars or at the bar or whatever rehab consists of. Low thread-count sheets? A pea under the mattress? Generic-brand bottled water?

She says she's a changed person because of her days at the Promises treatment center, but she means "changed" in the same way that Paris did - so actually staying the exact same.

She spent her first weekend out celebrating at the nightclub Pure downing an energy drink. So maybe the rehab worked. Or maybe they just teach you how to better conceal your drinking by pouring vodka into a Red Bull. Or, just chug six Red Bulls right in a row and get ready for a really awesome time, or a heart attack.

The harder they come

If conservative ranters didn't work up enough steam over Rep. Keith Ellison using the Quran to be sworn into Congress, Ellison's latest comments sure turned some faces red. Ellison heated up the blogosphere from comments (sorta) comparing the Bush administration to Hitler. (Conservatives must not read message boards, where eventually, everyone is called a Nazi.)

The Strib reported Ellison stated, "After the Reichstag was burned, (the Nazis) blamed the Communists for it and it put the leader of that country (Hitler) in a position where he could basically have authority to do whatever he wanted."

But while the ruckus centers on whether Ellison was actually comparing Bush to Hitler, no one has picked up on the similarities to Ellison's speech and the plot to "Live Free or Die Hard." Check it. The latest "Die Hard" is aaaall about an evil tech-head taking advantage of our fear post-Sept. 11, so he has the authority to cause greater corruption and damage to America. Keith is like us! We get all our political views from Bruce Willis films too!

Meet the Barkers, oops, the Beckhams

The Beckhams are in town. If you want all the dirty deets, go online, turn on your TV, hell, open your window. Holla ain't gonna waste time and space talking about the newest pretty dirty thing to arrive in L.A. Last word we got on them is we aren't sure who's more out to use the other: America or the cute couple?