Dr. Date

>Dear Dr. Date,

I just started a new job in a casual office environment at a respectable company downtown. There are two very attractive young ladies about my age who are also working as interns.

I can see myself being with either of them. One is very cute, funny and outgoing. The other is even cuter (and a bit more like me) but she doesn't seem to be as open or talkative … yet.

Although I do think it is kind of hard to "truly express" yourself while remaining professional, I'm pretty sure they both like me, too. The first one always smiles and blushes after coming up with excuses to talk to me.

The second one doesn't talk as much, but when she does she looks at me like she wants me and gets off the subject just to say things intended to impress me. We all work in different areas, so, although we run into each other constantly, none of us actually work together.

The problem is that I feel like I'm stuck in check and can't make a move either way. What's the best way to "get closer" to both girls without accidentally driving one away? They aren't really close friends, but if I made a move on either one, the other one would know.

I've just been kind of looking for female companionship, lately, and I want to try for the one that's most likely to get with me. I feel like I'm getting good vibrations from both.

How do I try to learn who is better without being obvious? Is it even possible to find out? I don't want to say too much at work, because I don't want anyone who may be listening to think I'm womanizing or harassing my fellow coworkers a few days after starting.

But I feel weird just straight up asking them to hang out outside of work without talking to them more first, or at least making my intentions known.

I'd rather date someone I know from somewhere legitimate, like work, rather than meeting random sluts off the streets or in the bars, but this situation seems risky.

Should I forget about the nice looking ladies at work and concentrate on keeping my job? I get the feeling the answer is "yes," but I really like these ladies. They're so sexy and young, yet modest, mature and professional. I think I'm in love. (Just kidding.)

I think I'm going to forget about it. I don't want to risk screwing up my job so soon. Dr. Date, you give a lot of advice about dating in the college environment, but I think you should give some advice about dating/flirting/seducing/fancying in the office/workplace for all of the kids who are growing up.

I'm going to sit here cross-legged and meditate on this question until I read your next column. I'm going to crosscheck my beliefs from meditation against your column at that time. Hopefully, there will be a good match, so I will not have to do any additional meditation. Please, Dr. Date, make it easy for me.

-St. Paulie

Dear St. Paulie,

When you're at a new job, it's more important to learn the lay of the land than to become known AS the lay of the land.

Dating in a work environment is fraught with complication, not the least of which is a tendency for this kind of thing to actually be forbidden by employers, due to - oh, gee - massive sexual harassment lawsuits. That kind of thing.

You're just starting out in this work world, and yet you can't get your thoughts off of temptation. That's natural. Despite all the obstacles, work remains one of the top ways for individuals to meet each other and date.

So, if I were you - instead of a little cartoon doctor of ambiguous gender currently at a professional conference in Europe - here's what I would do: Develop an after-work hangout and make it known that this is where you kick it when the five o'clock whistle blows.

If one of the young women turns up at your bar, you're in. If not, pushing matters further isn't worth the risk to your budding career. At least wait until you have your own desk to make love upon, son.

Also, don't assume there isn't some level of coordination among the two women. Females compare notes and will even assist in some degree of intelligence gathering. Often, men are simply too thick to see it happening.

Oh my goodness, the Europeans certainly do have small, fuel-efficient cars whizzing past this little sidewalk bistro. How will I ever return to the land of gas guzzlers? On the other hand, those large backseats can be really convenient.

-Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I am in a wonderful relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for four years, two in high school and two in college. We support and respect each other, we have a great time together, and we love each other more than anything.

"What is the problem?" you may ask. Alas, it's my parents. Well, mostly it's my mom. She believes that, since he is my first boyfriend, I should break up with him and date a lot of other people, and if they don't make me happy, then I should go back to him.

Personally, I don't really see the point in ending a happy relationship to see if someone might just make me happy … again. I also believe the reason she wants me to date other people is because she and I are very different people, and she doesn't really get along well with my boyfriend.

I have a feeling my boyfriend is going to propose to me relatively soon, since we have talked about marriage and our future together. He is very traditional, and I'm sure he'll ask my parents.

Basically, I just want my parents to be happy for me, but they won't stop telling me that I should branch out. What should I do, Dr. Date? Help!

-I Love My Boyfriend

Dear ILMB,

If your boyfriend proposes and you say yes - it sounds like you will - you will need to tell your boyfriend not to ask "permission" from your parents. Rather, the two of you should joyfully announce your intentions.

In matters like marriage, there is no point in asking for the parents' permission if the couple intends to go off and get married, regardless.

You and your mother need to have a long, heart-to-heart talk, in which you explain to her "I am not you," and have some examples handy. Examples of the way she differs from her own mother would also help you make your point.

But, honestly, if the matter of parental feelings is really important to you (and it sounds like it is) why not put off marriage until you graduate? This is often a good idea, with or without the parent issue. You can always have a long engagement.

-Dr. Date