Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I am grossed out by the hair on my chest. I am very athletic and shave it regularly. My girlfriend of two years finds this emasculating. I never have stubble there so I don't know why she would mind it. I prefer the surfaces of my body (and hers) to be smooth as a baby’s bottom. How can I resolve this issue with her? Should I give in to her request and look like the 40-year-old virgin? On the same note, in high school I shaved my legs for swimming and kind of liked it. Is that taking it way too far, or should I shave what I want to shave and not worry about what other people think?

—Clean and smooth

Silky,

First of all, everyone has their own preference about how they like their body and body hair to be groomed. I’m not about to tell you you’re a weirdo for wanting to shave your legs (or anything, for that matter) but I personally don’t get it. It sounds like your girl wants you to be a man's man because, frankly, if she wanted to date a girl, she probably would. Body hair of all varieties can be well-maintained without being completely decimated. Either make it clear to her that you’re uncomfortable with the idea or give it a try and see how it goes.

On a side note, I don’t think having a little chest hair is going to make you the “40-year-old virgin.” You may think that all the shaving you’ve done will make you chest hair grow in thicker, but it’s not true (I think Mythbusters did a thing on it). Realistically though, times and styles are changing. Metro-sexual is out, retro-sexual is in. Sideburns, mustaches and chest hair are all the rage, baby. If you’re not ready for the crossover, then take your time — at the risk of being behind the times by being ahead of the times that are in style right now. I’m still figuring out how all this retro stuff works.

—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I have been dating my boyfriend for eight and a half months. We spent most of the summer together, but now he is at school an hour and a half away. Aside from a few hiccups, everything has gone well. But for the last month or two, we have had some trouble. In the beginning of our relationship he was kind, caring, sweet, understanding and thoughtful. Now, I could maybe assign two of those adjectives to him … part of the time. As we became closer, I felt that he started to take me for granted. First, it was no more flowers, back rubs or driving 200 miles for me on a regular basis. I could deal with that. But then he stopped holding my hand, and he wouldn't kiss and hug me as often as he used to. Now, I feel like he rarely even calls, texts or Facebooks me, etc. I am always the one to initiate the conversation. He will reply nicely, however. For example: If I say, “I love you and miss you,” he will say “I love you and miss you, too.” He returns the love I give to him, but he rarely initiates it. So I told him I felt upset and confused about this lack of effort. He took offense. This started a never-ending cycle, or so it seems. When I tell him to make more of an effort to show he cares, he says, “It's a bad time” or “Why can't you just know that I care about you and love you?” or “This is annoying.” Because he's annoyed, the last thing he wants to do is say something sweet to show he cares. It seems that by the time he is calm enough to say something sweet, he forgets what I wanted him to do in the first place and he doesn't change anything. If I mention it again, he takes offense, and the cycle starts all over again. I know he really does care for me, I just want him to show it more like he used to. How can I get him to do this? Also, it's frustrating because I know that the caring, sweet, understanding and thoughtful guy I had four months ago is in there, somewhere. How do I bring him back?

—Frustrated

Frustrated,

Here lies the trouble with distance dating. Men are typically pretty awful at communicating over the telephone. Situations that would not be an issue in person are not communicated properly, and all of a sudden you have a big problem over some sort of simple miscommunication. Dudes don’t want to be calling their girlfriend all the time. This doesn’t mean he is apathetic or doesn’t love you, it just means that talking on the phone is one of the most annoying things a male would ever have to do.

If you’re trying to make this relationship work, you’re going to have to kick it into overhaul to see each other in person more often. Any continued annoyance is going to come off to him as nagging. Sit him down and speak to him genuinely about it (in person. This would go horribly over the phone). If he’s willing to do the work, it will change over time. If he doesn’t end up changing his ways, then he doesn’t have the initiative to make it work and isn’t worth your time. By the way, if your boyfriend lives 200 miles away and it’s an hour and a half drive, does that mean you’re going 133 mph the entire drive? Kudos.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date

I'm 24 years old and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don't go to clubs or bars. I'm not picky, I was attracted to a large girl, once, but she had a boyfriend. All the women I meet seem to be dating someone. I'm easy going, ambitious, 150lbs 5'7” (does height really matter that much to women?). For the love of God, please help me find someone that I can can be with and love, because for all the liberalness that is CLA, the people in my classes/major are not the friendliest bunch.

—(Unnamed)

No Pseudonym,

Your frustration WILL come off as desperation. Just chill out about it. Enjoy the time to yourself. You don’t fall in love because you want to hard enough. You do because you do. Try going out — not necessarily to meet people, but so you have the experience and skills necessary to socialize in public. I’m not saying you should go to the biggest raging dance nights, but just go to a low-key social place and hang out with some friends. Build confidence and comfort with yourself and girls will sense it. Don’t force it; just get yourself in a mental state where you’re ready for it.

—Dr. Date