Dear Dr. Date,Here...

Dear Dr. Date,

Here's the situation. I (a 20-year-old gay male) was dating another guy. We had been dating for about 2 to 3 weeks, all of which was spent getting to know each other and talking about how we hated one-week flings. He said all the right things and I truly fell for the guy. I asked him all the questions about his previous experiences, how many other guys he'd been with, was it safe, did he ask them about their risk level. Finally we decided to go ahead and express our feelings. I insisted on a condom, which he didn't have a problem with.

Two days later we broke up. It didn't surprise me, most guys are just plain jerks and it isn't like it hasn't happened before. Ya' give 'em a little nookie and they're out the door. But then he called up my roommate (a straight female) and asked her to go to coffee with him. She went and he told her that he just got his test results back and he's HIV-positive! Then he went on to explain that he wants a second opinion and not to tell me until he gets the second results back, just in case.

Well, she's my friend, not his, so she told me the instant I got home from work. I cried with her for awhile, then went and got tested. But it doesn't end there. Two weeks later he pulled my roommate aside at a restaurant we were all at and told her that he's HIV-negative and the first clinic mixed up the results, so they gave him $1,500 for his troubles. I have a hard time believing this and am convinced he does have HIV.

I've been tested every three months since then and am HIV-negative, but I still see him out and about; dating other guys and hearing the rumors about who he's slept with. I've even chatted with a few of the guys he dated, and I'm sure that none of them knew he tested positive at one point. Now I feel almost obligated to tell the guys he dates, but I also feel like it isn't my place to do so. I know that if I hadn't insisted on a condom he would have still gone ahead with the sex, so I'm sure he's out there spreading it around. What do I do? I need a little guidance. Any advice?

--Bewildered

However suspicious, his story could be true and he may be HIV-negative. How much you want to get involved is up to you and your conscience. I would confront him because you are concerned for your health and the health of your future partners. Get the name of the first clinic and try to verify his $1,500 story. This may be hard to do, but worth a try. Ask him to show you his test results if they exist on paper. Being angry, bitter and accusatory will probably get you nothing.