Dear Dr. Date,I...

Dear Dr. Date,

I have been an avid reader of your column and find your advice sound and practical. Ihave been at the University for about two years now, conducting research. I have been struggling with the issue about my sexual orientation and attraction to men for some time now. It has been more difficult for me to deal with this issue, especially because I come from an Asian country which is relatively more conservative, socially and culturally. However, I do realize that it is my battle to figure it out. My problem for you is that I want to meet some decent guys who are intelligent, honest, sincere, caring, compassionate, down-to-earth and understanding. However, it seems like an impossible task. I find it hard to relate with some people my age because we are at different mental wavelengths and also because I am more mature than the average 30 year old. I find it disheartening to know that people lay so much emphasis on external appearances, rather than on what the person is from within. Also, at times I have found that some people tend to shy away because I'm not white or because I'm Asian. My English vocabulary is very good and I am pretty eloquent. I am smart, confident, charming and good-looking. I don't go to bars or clubs as I don't drink or smoke. How and where can I meet people who are genuine and sincere?

-- Disheartened & Disillusioned

Don't get disheartened and disillusioned. Since you are doing research at the University, you are probably well aware of how much patience and diligence it takes. Apply this same dedication to your search for a partner and you will have success ... eventually. You've got quite a few things going against you in that the normal ways in which people meet each other are not really your thing. Keep looking.

It's a good idea to put yourself in environments that are, at least, accepting of who you are. These would include bookstores, coffee shops and the like. While most places might not be brimming with gay men, you never know who you might meet. You might find a great straight friend who has another gay friend who is perfect for you. This, of course, would mean you'd have to be open about your orientation. Because of your honest letter, I'd expect you would get a few responses from interested individuals. I'll forward them along to you.

(Tonight is Dr. Date's Second Ever Mini Mixer put on by the folks at SHADE. The Mini Mixing will take place at the Whole in Coffman Union. The mingling activities mixed with the lure of nearby high-stakes bowling and pinball make this a potentially fun night. Don't miss it, swingers!)