Dear Dr. Date,We h...

Dear Dr. Date,

We have this perplexing problem. We would like to know how to compliment a member of the opposite sex without having them think we're hitting on them. Being complimented can really make a person's day, but it can so easily be misconstrued. Can you help us?

-- Ann and Luke

There really shouldn't be a problem with people misconstruing your compliments. Usually a problem occurs when the compliment is out of place. For instance, if you never talk to a person and then, out of nowhere, blurt out, "You have pretty hair," flags will go up. Have you noticed that two people can give someone the same compliment but they are taken differently? This occurs because our instincts tell us to question why people are interacting with us. It's natural. Think about why you are giving the compliment in the first place. Are you telling your boss she has nice shoes because you honestly think they are great shoes or because you want to get on her good side?

Susan Rabin, author of "101 Ways to Flirt," has this to offer: "Be honest. If his eyes look more like mud puddles than limpid pools, he almost certainly knows it. And if her hands feel more like sandpaper than rose petals, don't tell her otherwise -- She knows a flake when she sees one."

The best approach to take in both dating and platonic situations is to wait until you are truly moved by someone's appearance or actions. This way all of your compliments are honest. The recipient probably already knows they did good and you are just confirming their thoughts. If you pay close attention, you can tell when a person is subtly showing off and fishing for a compliment. If you find that you are never moved enough to compliment someone, then lighten up. Start simple by giving a close friend an honest compliment every week. Work up to telling that friend that you really appreciate having them as a friend. After that, branch out and start giving lesser friends and co-workers a simple quick compliment that is honest and altruistic. Parents are good guinea pigs for practice.

For tonight's Mini-Mixer at The Whole you'll be meeting people in a dating-flirting context. Stick with the honest approach, but don't be shy. Compliment them on their dancing or their smile or a funny thing they said. Don't lie. Try to compliment the person on something that makes them unique. Avoid telling them a boring fact they've heard dozens of times before.

(Dr. Date's Mini-Mixer is tonight in The Whole. The Whole is located in the basement of Coffman Memorial Union. Mixing starts as soon as you show up -- abruptly at 9 p.m.. The Mini-Mixer is designed for a smaller more intimate crowd that was perhaps put off by the 2,200 people sardined into Weisman this last fall. You look good. Enjoy yourself tonight!)