>Folks,

Let's clear out our last round of bad date entries (edited for space), and then move on to a new question, inspired by one of our lovely readers, but twisted: Let's hear about the best or worst sex you've ever had. Was it dirty and gross? Could he find the right hole (he put it in my belly-button … that was weird)? Was it mind-blowing or awkward? Gentle or flaccid?

You get the idea. Nothing too graphic, but if you can, let the euphemisms fly.

- Dr. Date

P.S. … I promise I'll actually start answering some questions ASAP.

Dear Dr. Date,

I'm quite certain that my blind date from hell this week is the top contender for the title of "worst date ever." So sit back and relax as a horror story unlike any other in human history unfolds.

As a recently single gal, I decided to adopt an open-minded approach to dating and readily receive any dates offered from reasonable characters. It seemed like a nice, sensible plan - that is, until this past Wednesday when I accepted a date from the man who will forever be known at my sorority as "Creepy." Creepy asked me out to a new wine bar downtown. Creepy seemed like a stand-up guy: grad school student at St. Thomas, seemed relatively harmless ... so I figured what the hell!? (PS if you think St. Thomas undergrads have big heads … try talking to grad school students!)

I arrived downtown 15 minutes early for our date, ordered a glass of wine and sat, patiently anticipating the arrival of my "Romeo." Fifteen minutes passed, no sign of Creepy … then 25 minutes - 30 minutes. I finally called him and he indicated that he would be there shortly.

He finally arrived forty-five minutes late WITH A FRIEND, who introduced himself and quickly departed. I thought this was slightly odd until Creepy informed me that "he had to show me off" - at which point I decided that he wasn't odd: HE WAS COMPLETELY INSANE! This is the point in the date when things moved from uncomfortable and weird to irreprehensibly bizarre. As I was sipping my wine, he suggested that I finish the glass as quickly as possible so that he could take me back to his downtown condo to "get drunk." In retrospect, this should have been a huge red flag but my commonsense was blinded by what I thought was social decency.

So after practically beer-bonging this glass of wine, we headed to his condo where his friend met back up with us to play cards. When faced with my current predicament (awkward company) and the strategically placed bottle of vodka in front of me, I decided that it was only appropriate to get drunk. And by drunk, I mean completely wasted.

As the clock approached 1 a.m., I decided that I had had enough excitement for one night and needed to return home IMMEDIATELY. Being as intoxicated as I was, I passed my keys to Creepy (as any responsible driver should) and demanded he drive me. I live with a number of my best friends and they happened to be hanging out in our living room when I stumbled in with him walking behind me. What transpired from here out is simply unreal. At this point, I am crawling across the living room to my bedroom and he is stone cold sober. He then tried to lock both of us in my bedroom after my friends requested that he leave. Moments later, they heard him on his phone telling the friend, "This girl is so drunk. This is going to be sweet. I'm going to sleep at a sorority." In response to this, my best friend told him that he was creeping her out and demanded once again that he leave. After all of this, he STILL refused and climbed into my bed to try and get me to have sex with him. As a "clever device," he told me that he loved me (keep in mind that this is a first date).

I finally came to at 5 a.m. and, in the light of day, looked in horror to my side to realize this guy was still around. I pushed him out of bed and ordered him into my car. As I dropped him off, he asked when he could see me again. I firmly said "NEVER!" shut the door and drove away.

So that my friends is the story of why I will never again accept dates from strangers met in bars ... or from St. Thomas for that matter.

- Seriously Scarred for Life

Dearest Dr.,

I have had many dates in my time, and most of them were mediocre at best, but there was one or two that stood out as horrible. One of them that comes to mind was when I was on a first date with this rather attractive red head. We were talking over some Pizza Luce (always a nice date locale), and the discussion somehow turned to the fact that I was a triathlete. I started talking about the Ironman, and how I planned to complete one in the next few years. I told her that if I finished, I planned on getting the Ironman logo tattooed on my calf. Well she starts in with this five minute rant/lecture about how could I even think about getting a tattoo and how the Nazi's tattooed the Jews in Germany (we were both Jewish), and blah, blah, blah. I will not be lectured to, especially on the first date. That was it for me, and I never saw her again. Also, I did end up finishing that Ironman, and now have a nice tattoo on my calf.

Ask me sometime about the date that concluded with the best sex I've never had.

- Riff Raff

Dear Dr. Date,

Here is my worst date ever: So I was a junior in High School and I was seeing this girl, let's call her Amy. So this was either our second or first date, I can't remember, but we spent the date swimming in a nearby lake, kissing underwater, and having a lot of fun. We then watched the sunset, and all that romantic crap.

Well, when it got dark, she took me home, and we parked by the field about 200 yards from my house (it had a street light right by it, so we could see each other), which we had done the previous two dates, and started passionately kissing, and it soon became more than that. She was feeling me, so I got the hint that it was okay to do the same back, and when I put my hand under her shirt and on her belly planning on moving north, but I felt something rough, and when I looked down, she had more hair on her stomach than I do today.

I mean it was black, long, and in abundance. I then stopped, said I had to go home, and broke things off with her the next day in school. It scarred me for life! So, good doctor, why would a girl, who was moderately attractive, not shave her belly, if it was that bad, and this was when she was 15 or 16. She obviously was aware of it, so why would any girl not do that! Thankfully I never had to see her armpits.

- Fuzzy Wuzzy was my girlfriend.

Folks,

So we're done with the worst dates ever, and I promise, I'll start earning my paycheck again starting tomorrow (or the next day).

El fin.

- Dr. Date