Roads and Transit tie the knot

>Not to say that there won't be

some bumps down the road,

but you'll have our support. We

Minnesotans are one big family and

most of us agreed that it was time for

this transportation relationship to become

legal. We were sick and tired of

Roads' same old boring bumper-tobumper

jokes every night during rush

hour. For years we'd been gently encouraging

Roads to propose to Transit.

We had even set up romantic dates

at the legislature but time and again,

Roads left Transit hanging at the altar.

Last year, Transit had even chosen a

dress by the time Roads came down

with a bad case of cold feet and black

ice and ran off with his drinking buddy,

the Governor. But, finally, even

the Governor realized that Roads had

to change lanes or be stuck in a rut

for the next decade. Otherwise, next

thing you knew, Roads would have

been lamenting on the rural route to

nowhere with a potbelly to match his

potholes, wondering where he took a

wrong turn.

Luckily for Roads, his aunts the

business executives, his uncles the

environmentalists, and even some of

his city and country legislative cousins

got together with his voters and

demanded a shotgun wedding last

Nov. 7. No one likes to tie the knot this

way, and frankly, Transit found the

whole thing humiliating. But what a

few friends knew and most suspected

was that Transit, with her ridership at

a 22-year-high, her "park and ride" lots

at capacity, was ready to start expanding

her family. She had even started to

adopt a few suburban bus lines. But

she truly wanted a lifelong commitment

with Roads.

As with all new couples, you are

going to get a lot of free advice. You

had that "deer in the headlights" look

at the wedding banquet (with perhaps

a bit too much E85 in your tank), so

here's a recap from the marriage

toasts.

Roads and Transit, you two have

both been living hand-to-mouth for

too long. Now that you are married

and have your own amendment, you

can finally get some stability in your

life. Fix up the old place and maybe

even build a bridge or develop a statewide

infrastructure. Lord knows you

need it. Although you shouldn't totally

mortgage your future, you should

probably take out some more bonds.

Your construction expenses will only

get higher and you might as well tackle

them sooner rather than later.

Your circle of friends forced you

into this thing, and they'll support you

through your growing pains. A few

family connections, thrown in with

some public forums and stakeholder

meetings, will get you an increase

in the gas tax. According to the state

constitution, this won't directly help

Transit, but you are now part of the

extended transportation family. What

helps Roads, helps Transit. If nothing

else, higher gas prices will push riders

to Transit so both of you win.

This one is going to hurt just a

little, but as you know, "no pain, no

gain." You've got to enact a wheelage

tax. Five bucks for every wheel

sounds about right. You'll have a few

legal hurdles to leap before you can

make this one work and might even

have a fender bender or two at the

Legislature. Enact a wheelage tax and

split the proceeds 60-40 with Transit

- just like you promised on your wedding

day last Nov. 7.

Look into toll lanes. New York

does it, Chicago does it, and even

Kansas City does it. Let's fall in love.

Your friends in the Metro will shell

out most of the dough for this one but

make those quarters add up to be part

of a statewide solution. Toll revenue

should also be split 60-40 for Roads

and Transit - throw those rural relatives

a spare tire. After all, they have to

suffer through your grandiose stories

about the money you plan to lavish on

Transit's light rail expansion.

Expand the lottery to include some

funds for Transit. The lottery is set up

to benefit the environment and what

could be better for our environment

than getting folks out of their cars. To

be honest, Roads, your tailpipe emissions

have Earth all hot and bothered.

Now that you are married, you've got

to stop this flirtation, which will only

lead to her global warming. Soon, the

Lakes (all 10,000 of them, brother)

will be blaming you for their vanishing

species.

Roads, we're proud that you finally

did right by Transit.

Brenda Diethelm-Okita, Joseph R. Goldman,

Jocelyn Hale and Connie Rutledge

are University Humphrey Institute graduate

school classmates. Please send comments

to letters@mndaily.com.