Network

Hey there, Networkia! New plan on the horizon: Since it looks like the state is going to pull the plug on some of that biomedical building cash, Networkia WILL have a new home. We will commandeer the building by force and use it to further our agenda of mayhem and destruction. Evidently, the Medical School won’t have anything going on in there.

Maybe we’ll mass produce soap or breath mints or something while we’re at it.

Fall 2009 … Networkia’s new digs. Any Fashionista or Dr. Date supporters will be tarred, feathered and catapulted into the stadium immediately upon capture.

Network, Get your healthy lifetyle now! With Acai Berry you will Enhance your body ability to burn fat. You will be able to enjoy everyday to its fullest with your new found energy. You are one click away from qualifying for a free trial of acai berry. Net: Again, all of my very dearest hopes and dreams are coming true today. Huzzah.

From Summerbreaksoon

Hey, Net, are you at all related to Strong Bad? Obviously it wouldn’t be immediate relation (he lacks the tentacles, or maybe you lack the boxing gloves). You both respond to emails in a similar sense and with a great sense of humor. Net: Hmm … interesting parallels, but sorry, this is The Minnesota Daily, not Homestar Runner. I CAN, however, draw a wicked good dragon, as a result of Strongbad’s Trogdor sketch lessons. I mean, before that? Who the heck on earth could even doodle something that awesome? Keep on bashing the Fashionista, but also don’t forget to maintain a quality hate of CSOM.

From A Net Supporter

Hello, Net. I have been a faithful follower of your column for years but have never decided to send a letter in until now. I must say, Network is the best aspect of the Daily, which most definitely dwarfs that NUTTing Dr. Dork. Net: Some also say we do better work here in Networkia than they do over in A&E. I mean, how many times can you go to concerts at First Avenue, come back and proclaim them “like, awesome.” But, again, these are the people who employ that tramp, the Fashionista. I have finally chosen to write in at this particular moment because I wanted my first letter to have some legitimate content. This is opposed to someone who sends in some random rant about CSOM (which I will cover another time). I simply wanted to give an opinion on Dork’s petition against you and that comment about the “offensive” nature of Network.

First off, Dork needs to shut his NUTTing mouth about Network, because aside from the Almighty Net dominating the backtalk section, no one likes that “doctor.” The only people who care enough to read or write to Dr. Date are girls that have no friends to discuss their problems or guys that want to make up some NUTTing story either for fame or s--ts ‘n’ giggles. Lastly, about the offensive comments that have been floating around by some insecure little girl: I don’t agree at all with what she has been spouting. As Laharl said, “… (Net) is therefore completely within Network’s rights of free speech, just as you have the right to be offended …” Well, this statement has a lot of truth, and I want to end on this: Our Bill of Rights grants everyone in this country the freedom OF speech, not the freedom FROM speech. Net: That being said, you know what day it is today, fellow Networkians. My tentacles are exceedingly sensitive to the aroma of the burning cannabis, so I’ll know whether you’re all out there … expressing solidarity to the cause.