Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
First off I love my gf, and would do anything for her. We have been dating for almost two years now and things are great.
Except for one thing, sex. Lately we have been fighting a bunch, mostly about stupid, trivial, miscommunication type things. But we got into a big fight just recently, and I was ready to walk out on her because she gave me a pretty good low blow, but we made up.
But the makeup was missing one crucial aspect, the makeup sex. Then I realized that we never have makeup sex, and just don’t really have sex all that often — or at least as much as I want to. It hasn’t been that big of a deal to me because I have always just choked the chicken and forgot about it. However, now when we hang out I don’t even want to really have sex with her anymore; I am just waiting for her to leave so I can beat off. I feel that the lack of sex is causing me to drift away and not want to hang out with her as much, even though we are best friends and love being around each other, for the most part. Until I get denied sex.
It is not as if there isn't enough romance. I write her love letters, hide things in her room for her to find, pay for things when I can, but all I get is a smile and a kiss. It’s a beautiful smile I might add, which almost makes it worth it. But I need more. I have expressed my sexual frustration to her once before, but I just came off sounding like a jack ass. I am still on the fence after our recent big fight. If I even want to be in this relationship, the lack of sex is like a broom sweepin' my dusty bones out the door. What do you make of this?
—Doorknob

Get a Handle,
It isn’t the sex.
Your letter — and it sounds like your relationship — is replete with qualifications. Things are great … except for the sex. You love being around her…for the most part. Her smile is beautiful…which almost makes it worth it.
As you stated, Doorknob, you’re on the fence. You need to evaluate which side to land. Your letter, along with the damning background paragraph you asked me not to publish (all I’ll say here is that she did something a while back that itself could merit a breakup), indicate that you’d be making a mistake if you stayed with her.
It does, however, sound like you two have weathered a lot together, and there might be hope. If you want to mend the relationship — and in your case have more sex — tell her everything you wrote. Tell her that you’re waiting for her to leave so you can beat off. Otherwise she won’t understand the extent to which the lack of sex is driving you two apart, and the problem won’t be fixed (Perhaps that’s why your overture about sexual frustration didn’t lead to more sex).
And do not do not be afraid of “sounding like a jackass” for expressing your sexual frustration. If you don’t express your sexual frustration, you’ll probably start resenting her and turn out to be a true jackass. Hell, Doorknob, you could even turn out to be a cheating jackass — otherwise known as a NUTTface.
You wrote that you two have been fighting about “stupid, trivial, miscommunication type things.” Most of the time, “stupid, trivial, miscommunication type things,” reflect larger “miscommunication type things,” which reflect larger problems in a relationship that both parties have failed to confront.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I’m a junior, and in the past I was the kind of guy that liked to date a lot of different women. No commitment. No strings attached. I’m not a player, I just crush a lot. I’ve had a fun time. However, I’m getting bored of my current dating situation, and I want to find someone to have a real relationship with.
I think it might be with a girl from the past. We had been friends since we were little. She was beautiful, funny and I actually liked her. We started dating the summer before freshman year, but I was going to the U and she was headed to Drake. Like I said before, at the time, I didn’t do relationships and definitely not long distance ones.
Once we both got to college, I didn’t end things well. I started to ignore her phone calls and acted uninterested. I was a freshman and wanted to keep my options open.
This past January I found out she transferred to the U. I have been seeing her all over the place: bars, walking to class, Coffman. We will talk when we see each other, and I feel like there’s something between us. After seeing her around campus, I’ve realized what a big mistake I made by letting her go. I’m wondering how I should go about trying to start things up again. Give me your prescription Doc!
—Anonymous

Crush,
My prescription involves either a pen and paper or a drink and a good place to sit and talk with her. Or both.
That, along with the realization that you probably hurt her pretty bad by ignoring her phone calls and acting uninterested toward her.
You’ll also need to realize that people change. She won’t be the person you dated before you went off to college. Don’t think you can strut back into her life and resurrect whatever it is you two had before.
But you’ve changed too. You wanted to play the field but now you’re ready to settle down, and you’d like to try it with her. That’s entirely legitimate.
So stop wasting your time reading a dating column in a college newspaper and go tell her the colossal proportion of the mistake you made by “letting her go.”
—Dr. Date