Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
So I have a problem that I think a lot of guys have: I’m an early bird.
Other than searching on the Web aimlessly, is there any hope for me? Tried a lot of things and want to stay with my girl for a while, literally.
—This-is-serious-as-a-heart-attack

Heart attacks kill,
The reason I printed this letter first is that I want to graciously inform Datopia that I have no time for euphemisms. Liken writing a letter to the good Doctor to going to a doctor’s office to get a diagnosis for, say, a fever. You don’t tell this hypothetical doctor that you’re a hot potato.
So, TISAAHA, if my encryption is accurate, you prematurely ejaculate. In essence, that means that you have an orgasm faster than your partner, and that you’re unable to control the timing of your orgasms during intercourse. Furthermore, by medical definition, premature ejaculation is a problem if, and only if, you AND your partner decide it is. And therein could lay the heart of your issue: After years of research, the world’s brightest urologists are unable to define this so-called medical condition. So, fundamentally, PE is a mere construct indefinable in the scientific lexicon.
Whether you want to act on PE depends on the sexual chemistry between you and your partner and the extent of the PE. The simplest way of solving premature ejaculation — and what I would advocate — is foreplay, and having sex with your partner — tons of it. There’s the stop-start method, which requires you pulling out before ejaculation, and repeating, several times. This option is fun, and it could help you last longer over time.
But I’m getting from your letter that you’re unable to last long. In that case, you might have primary premature ejaculation — which doesn’t go away. Ever. And you’re just going to have to deal with it. If you like, a doctor may decide to treat PE with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, otherwise known as dangerous anti-depressants that the doctors like to peddle because Big Pharma pays them off.
(A side note to our dear governor: Screw you for vetoing the eminently practical medical marijuana bill; SSRIs are the real drugs.)
Anyway, the pitfall of treating PE with SSRIs can be demonstrated by looking at the pitfalls that come with these deadly drugs — not to mention that they drastically decrease libido.
If you have primary PE, though, I would recommend that first, you and your partner be up-front about it. Talk with her, and if it cannot be solved through just foreplay, and if you’re in a serious relationship that hinges on your ability to last longer during intercourse, you might, might, want to check into a urologist and ask about SSRIs. That’s the red button, last option, Hail Mary, though — one that should make you consider why your partner is requesting that you ingest dangerous pills so that you might last another minute or two in bed.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I just got played by a girl, and she said that she was interested in some other guy. I met her one or two times and thought there was a mutual connection. The last three times that I tried to date a girl it seems everything goes well until they hear the word relationship. It seems that I always fall into being the good friend and not the boyfriend. Then I get calls about why the boyfriend isn’t nice and does things for her. Why can’t people just tell me things and be level with me? Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to avoid this mistake again?
—Getting Played

Playing yourself
As my moniker indicates, GP, the reason why
people “can’t tell [you] things and be level with [you]” is that you’re not leveling with yourself and with them. In other words, you’re not getting played because fate has cast you in the role of the looser; you just aren’t going after what you want.
If a love interest is calling you about her problems with her idiot boyfriend, then respectfully tell her you think she should leave him for you. Tactfully — remember that word — let her know that you have feelings with her beyond friendship. You could, GP, offer her an ultimatum if you’re that serious about her: Either you’re in a relationship with her or you can’t be friends with her. That would end the calls about boyfriends. The lesson is to not let her use you for an emotional outlet.
This is risky, of course. She will probably balk at the proposition if you two don’t have the type of connection that she has with her boyfriend, or if she wasn’t feeling it during the first few dates. If she flees at the word relationship, it’s likely that she’s just not interested. But at least she knows where you stand.
Openness requires confidence, moreover, and being open with her will illustrate that you’re more than friend material. Because, GP, you probably are — you just have to believe that. Otherwise, you’re left wallowing in your own desires while she doesn’t know a thing about them. Dare I go on record that nobody, in mankind’s history, has ever benefited from this circumstance? Yes.
A note of caution: Respect her feelings. If, after you took my sage advice and poured your heart out to her and she tells you she’s not interested, then she’s most likely being honest with you. You have to respect that, and respect any boundaries she might set.
—Dr. Date