Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I have a problem with a potential mother-in-law. She is very jealous of me and she is controlling of her only son. This started 10 months ago. My father had just passed away and it was the night of the wake. My potential mother-in-law took the time to take my boyfriend aside and tell him that I was very controlling and basically said that I was not a good match for him. She then guilted him into spending the night with his mom and dad instead of me. My boyfriend rationalized it by saying that I needed to be with my mother at the time, who was a nervous wreck, but I know he was very upset with his parents. He did not talk to them for a month afterwards.
This is an extremely long time for him. His mother typically calls at least two times a week. She needs to know what he is doing basically all of the time. One time she even knew that he lost his cell phone before I did! Yet, whenever I am around her she is always very polite to me. I feel that because my boyfriend did not dump me when she wanted him to, she is pretending to like me while secretly scheming against me. For example, she usually came to my family’s lake cabin during the summer but now she says she is not attending because my niece, Sarah, is too much for her. She then commented that she didn’t want to force my boyfriend to choose between us but that she hoped to see him over the summer.
I know she does not have the best relationship with her husband as they fight quite a lot. I feel that she is very jealous of me, because I have such a gentleman for a boyfriend. She has stated several times before that she “looks up” to my boyfriend, and yet tends to treat him like a child.
Her recent thing is that I am going to distract my boyfriend from his dreams. She has told my mother that she means no offense to me, but that her only concern is her son.
I’ve told my boyfriend I feel that way about his mother and he is very sad about this. At times he can even become defensive. He says that he feels that I don’t trust his judgment because I think that his mother influences him. This is a very tricky situation and I feel that I need to put up with wacko mom because I love her son. I know he is strong enough to defy his mom as he has done so already by dating me. I don’t feel that my boyfriend is a mama’s boy but his mother is sure psycho. Any advice?
-Hating What I'm Dealing With

Make a deal,
You have to gauge — and it appears that you haven’t done this yet — what exactly you’re able to tolerate, and tell your boyfriend.
Your BF ditching you at a time of need for his mother was shitty enough. But, his anger was apparent and perhaps he regretted that move. But is this going to happen in the future?
To solve this problem, you have a few options: acceptance of her behavior or confrontation with your significant other, her or both. Confrontation, if it involves the mother, risks more bad feelings. But again, solving this problem involves gauging your tolerance. Are you able to put up with her?
In the end, I’d advice to keep being upfront with your BF about your feelings toward her. People the world over tolerate in-laws because they know it usually doesn’t matter what they think, so long as their spouses love them.
Dr. Date

Dear Doctor Date,
I am currently single and haven’t been actively “looking” for anyone for quite some time until I just happened to be in a parking lot, sitting in my car ready to leave and a guy pulls up next to me, and gives me a compliment.
He was attractive and long story short he asked me if I could take his number down, which I did.
A few days/light conversations later, we hangout. Drinks, movie, good conversation and a nice hug at the end of the night (pretty PG-rated evening which was fine with me because, like I said, I haven’t been looking for anyone for some time so I wanted to play it cool). We also talked about hanging out in the future so I was feeling pretty psyched about seeing him again.
I never heard back from him though; I called him a few days later, then again a couple days after that, then even text him and no response at all. I’ve tried to wait three days then call him, then wait to see if he’ll call me back but I’ve gotten impatient, so when I call I only would hear his voicemail. It’s only been a week since I last saw him; should I give up on calling him? Should I wait a certain amount of time? Arrrgh! Dr. Date please -Summer and Single

Stay Single,
Arrgh indeed. But I think you’re frustrated for the wrong reason: that he’s not calling you back. What you should be frustrated about, SS, is the fact that you’re wasting your energy on someone who isn’t reliable, is a jackass, or both — and thus shouldn’t even be worth your energy. Don’t compromise your standards for someone just because the first date(s) went well.
Moreover, if he’s not returning your calls, he’s not interested and trying to escape telling you, or, even worse, he is interested and he’s playing games with you. If it’s the former, he definitely won’t call you back and if it’s the latter he will call back, eventually, expecting you to jump back into what should be considered nothing less than a trap. He would know he has you at his call, thus sparking a perpetual cycle of control games.
No, SS, you shouldn’t let that happen. But if he does call, it will provide an excellent opportunity, if you like, for a theatric rejection of both another date and his ego — for which he is so handily setting himself up. Either way, don’t call this fool back.
Dr. Date