Network

From: *Paladin Grendel*
Network, you rawk! Net: Ho boy, Asher Roth from WOW. One question though: What moisturizer do you use on your tentacles? Burt’s Bees? It’s endorsed by aboleths, illithids, gricks, grells and even cthul’hu himself. Net: Our tentacles secrete their own secret sauce that even old man Burt can’t compete with, keeping our limbs that perfect combination of crunchy and crispy. Still, I don’t like smelling like honey all day; squirrels attack me on bus benches. P.S. my D & D group needs a fourth member; I can’t keep tanking for the party with a rogue4/ranger6. Net: Just sacrifice the neighbor’s cat for that sustaining mana boost, I saw that on the news. I’m tumbling my ass off, kukris whirring, but I’m running out of healing spells! PG signining out, I’m off like Fun Bobby’s prom dress. Net: That he spilled his UV all over.

From: snakes
Net, Acey said you had some dough for me. Net: You ain’t getting your dough till you give me a freshman that ain’t two snakes short of the pit.

From: Passerby
Screw you Net, your squirrel Army numbers will never surpass the amount of freshman douche bags on campus. Net: A tempting claim to make, but we don’t think that’s something we’ve said, though if you consider an artificial boost of squirrels they could reach the kill point at which the freshman douches are consumed by the squirrels, thus lowering the number of d-bags while raising that of the squirrels. And that’s the story of Raisin’ Canes. Though, all us non-CSOMers know that quality beats quantity, and so in that respect, hell yeah your squirrels will dominate. Net: You know what’s about as funny as killer squirrels? Ninjas. Just because you’re not in CSOM doesn’t mean you ain’t an anus cleaning device like Paladin Grendel up there. They remember, remember the 5th of November’s gun powder treason and plot. You, the brain in jar, better succesfully have them overrun campus while the 1812 Overature blasts over the emergency PA system. Net: Yes, we, the brain in the jar, better do that. And you, the dope in the back, will be the first against the wall when that Overture plays. Fun Bobby would be OK with that, right? Net: What the Bob don’t know won’t hurt him.