Network

From $nukeinTh4$nizz
OMG Net, if Ashley Dresser writes another NUTTing column about Spain I am going to lose it! THIS IS NOT SPAIN. THIS IS AMERICA. Net: Yeah, we don’t go around wearing sandals and playing “football.” We do, however, eat tacos here, but we’ll overlook that unless her columns were about the new blackjack taco from T-Bell. Please pass that on to her. Thanks, Net. Keep up the good NUTT. Net: What makes you NUTTerbutters think I have any kind of contact with Ashley Dresser. We have as much a chance of running into the shrub as seeing a decent woman on University Avenue. She doesn’t come into the office, and we live in an underground laboratory lair. Let’s keep it that way.
P.S. Why have you let Darwinistsaredumb back into your realm? Net: Because he gets dumbNUTTs like you to write in.

From Stacy
Network, this Berlin Wall anniversary has got me thinking about an idea I had some years back about rectifying a few of the problems around campus. Why don’t we build a wall around Carlson? Net: Knew you were going to say that. If there’s one thing that gets our tentacles quivering in discontent its unthoughtful hate. Why not build it around Coffman? That place sucks too. That way, they could exist in their own little crappy communist world, and we could all drive around in our Wessie-wagons listening to rock ‘n’ roll. And we could shoot anyone who tried to escape. Net: From your imagining, we think you’re confusing some key cardinal directions. Carlson would be the capitalist pigdog oasis in the middle of our communist utopia, and we would be the ones doing the shooting. History be damned; we think it might work this time. Vice Provost Jerry Reinhart would be head of the Stasi, which would take form as the marching band and the dean of IT would become the weapons consultant. Alls we have to do is make sure to shoot down all the Ami planes that come by to drop supplies and British Secret Intelligence Service and our little plan is golden.