Network

From: Wasteofmytime
As I was NUTTing this nice senior last weekend, Net: We hope you mean FUTTing. she was down there, and I was thinking “What could this University do without?” I ‘came’ up with a list. Net: Like we say, there’s nothing like a job from a nice senior to free a man’s mind. Let’s see what jewels come out of your mouth when your jewels were in her mouth …

1- Freshmen
2- CSOMers
Net: Solid, solid
3- Sconie neighbors
4- Uggs
Net: True, trite
5- Farmville
6- The Asian Invasion
Net: Aren’t these the same?
7- Old, decrepit professors from foreign lands
8- Dr. Daterape Net: The professor to the football team? That guy rules, and he’s damn good at what he does.
9- Fun Bobby’s Science Building
10- St. Paul Campus

And then I thought I should be more positive and think of the U’s Christmas list:

1- A squirrel army with bazookas
2- More beer, booze and boobs
3- Teleporters between buildings
4- A light rail down Washington and University avenues
5- A nuclear power plant
6- Labor camps Net: Arbeit macht Gopher.
7- Public pie humiliations
8- Man-eating venus fly traps in the Mall Net: And tubes to jump around on that spit out gold coins.
9- A Mike Gould for Buddhism Net: How about Mike Gould for new football coach?
10- More space in the Daily for Networkia! Net: The Daily is a newspaper around Networkia, never the other way around.
That is all.

From: Twinkletwinkle
My dearest Network, my most precious of precious, the tastiest morsel of knowledge beset upon the table of life. Net: Stick it up your NUTT hole, Twink. The meteor shower last week made me think about how insignificant our life is here on this planet. Net: It’s what your mother has been telling you for years, and she doesn’t even know the full extent of your mastrabatory-depression complex. You’re just a wanker on a rock in the cold, cold ocean of space.

From: Networkette
Dear Network, I love you and your sassy alphabet. What would our Networked babies look like? Love, Networkette Net: Babies?! Our babies would be so wretchedly ugly that the doctor would slap its face thinking that it would be its ass. But you know we would still love our little Dorito-Sacajawea-Ochoinco-Network anyway. But you just go get that abortion anyway, honey. We’re just sayin’.

From: Beowulf
I believe that in the English language, prepositions should be ended sentences with. Net: Your tomfoolery is something up with which we will not put. Back to the short bus go you and all the rest of your revisionist friends.