Dr. Date

Hi Dr. Date!
I’ve got a problem; I’ve fallen for my best friend. I recently got out of a really serious relationship and I started hanging out with my best friends a lot more. We’ve known each other since seventh grade, and we are really close. He had also just gotten out of a pretty serious relationship, so we could relate to each other.
As the days went by and the times we hung out got more and more routine, I have started to feel something for him. I didn’t really act on it though, until winter break.
We hung out every day during winter break, and on New Year’s I told him how I felt (with help from liquid courage). The next day we discussed our feelings again, and his response was “I don’t want to lose you as my best friend. Let’s be patient and see what happens. Let’s not date now.” (He made sure I heard him say now).
Dr. Date, is this an excuse not to make things awkward? Or is there a reason why he made sure to be loud when he said “now”?
—Best Friend Forever

BFF,
Ah, liquid courage, where would we be without you? I think you left out a big part of this story, how did he respond on New Year’s Eve when you told him? If he seemed quiet during the conversation, he probably didn’t know how to respond and never thought of you that way. If he reciprocated the feelings and seemed excited, and maybe even kissed you at midnight, then you might be in luck.
Regardless of what happened that night, he did not seem “on board” with the idea the following day. Personally, I would have focused more on the “Let’s not date” part instead of the “now” part. However, if he seemed interested in the idea but only emphasized the now part, he could just not be ready. You both just got out of serious relationships; it can be hard for people to start dating again. He could also still be having trouble tying up the ends of his last relationship.
My advice would be to be there for him as a friend and to not expect a relationship right now. Don’t ignore your feelings for him, but pushing the subject right now could end up pushing him away. Let things simmer a little and then see where you guys are.
—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
Here’s my problem. I’ve been in love with this girl for two years but she never corresponded with me. I’ve been a real good friend (her words) in her best and worst moments. Now she is dating my best friend. I cannot really say anything about it because she always told me she wasn’t into me at all. But I’ve always been deeply in love, and all the things I always wanted to do with her (and sex isn’t the first) are tearing me apart. So, here’s the question: How can I forget my first love or let her finally go from my heart?
Thanks
—PROGArrO

PROGArrO,
Where’s your problem, is it me? I’ll try to answer your “question,” but I’m making a lot of assumptions about what you’re asking. So, forgive me if you actually wanted to know how to get to the St. Paul campus.
You forget your first love by realizing that you probably don’t love this person you speak of. She even told you herself, she’s not into you. It’s a sad truth out there in the dating world, but sometimes another person won’t want to date you. My advice is to stop hanging out with this girl so much — don’t turn your back on her, but it’s going to be hard to get over her if you’re constantly thinking about her.
Go out and meet new people. I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly you can find new friends and maybe even a new person to catch your fancy. If that doesn’t work, all I have left to suggest is booze or to sabotage your best friend’s relationship with her. Of course, booze only works for the duration of using it, and sabotaging a relationship usually causes psychotic break down.
—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
I am both what you could classify as a jerk and a nice guy. I love treating girls like queens until I have them eating out of my palm, only to get bored and leave them. In hindsight I feel bad for the girls since I never start with intentions to hurt them. I’m to the point of just swearing off girls to protect them from myself. Is there another option?
—Jekyll and Hyde

Jekyll and Hiding,
Of course there is another option: figure out why you get bored with the girls you are dating. From the dearth — Network is gone from the paper folks, we can step up the vocabulary now — of details in your letter, I can’t really pinpoint what is causing you to become bored.
It could be that you are actually scared of dating someone for an extended period of time. Perhaps you’ve got a case of 007 syndrome. You’ve been burned in the past and you can’t take relationships seriously past a certain point. Or perhaps you’re not being challenged enough by the girls you have dated in the past.
Think about the girls you have been dating. Are they all exactly the same engine in slightly different car exteriors? If you find yourself running out of things to do and say with these girls, you probably aren’t finding a person you actually want to date. I would suggest thinking hard about what you want out of a relationship and a girl before you take a vow of celibacy. If you think you can’t grow past your relationship issues, the Vatican will wait for you.
—Dr. Date