Dr. Date

Dear Dr Date,

I hope your New Year’s Eve went well. Mine was the worst of my life. On the night of the 30th, I caught my best friends kissing on the bed. I found out they started to go out together on Christmas. I met Claire exactly two years ago, and I instantly fell in deep love … my first real love. The following winter she was secretly going out with a mutual friend, Eric (who, a few months before, tried to help me chase Claire), but he dumped her three months later. In the meantime, I declared my love to her but she answered, “Let’s just wait a little,” while also staying with Eric not to hurt me (that’s ironic, isn’t it?).

In the end I forgave her for lying to me (since you love, you’ll forgive), and we became good friends. I asked her again in July, but she told me she got burned too deeply to start a new relationship. But I remained a friend, always keeping strong feelings and a deep secret hope. In this period I also introduced her to my friends and also to Manuel.

Manuel is my best friend and knew everything about me and my love for Claire. Three months ago, I started noticing that the two were hanging out, but I thought that could be just normal and understandable. In this time my friendship with Claire grew, and she became my female best friend. I always looked at Manuel as an inspiration and wanted to be like him. I feared they might become a couple as I wouldn’t stand the male-male competition for a woman.

Now I feel betrayed by both of them. Claire gave chances to boys (Eric and Manuel) in a three-month time. I wasn’t given one at all in one year. Manuel, on the other hand, had no respect for all the troubles I’ve been through in these years, and he easily conquered somebody I’ve been desperately chasing.

Now I cannot stop imagining the two kissing and loving each other — doing the things I dreamt about doing with her!

I don’t have any idea about how to react. I will never be able to coexist with that and accept them as a couple. I now feel my life is torn apart, and the two most important people are running away.

Any advice? Forgetting Claire will take A LOT of time, but, from my point of view, forgiving Manuel is almost impossible. How can I look him in the eye knowing he’s bangin’ the girl I loved? What can I do?

—Down Two

Down Two,

It certainly seems like you have a knack for choosing friends who resemble Brutus. In a perfect world, your friends would never go after the girl you have been dreaming about.

However, it is not a perfect world and people are anything but perfect. The first thing you have to do is face the sad facts, and I’m not talking about the Vikings’ chances against the Saints. You were put into the friend zone by Claire.

From what you have said, it seems to me that she never had any intention of dating you. She was merely trying to “protect” you from getting hurt. Of course, what she did was ultimately insanely selfish and hurtful to you.

The second thing you need to address is your confidence. You’re a young buck, my good sir. You need to start doing things that will make you feel better about yourself. Not only will you be happier, but people will be attracted to your increased confidence. Just don’t go overboard and start doing push-ups in the middle of a party — that’s a one-way ticket to Tool City.

I imagine it will be hard to forgive your friend, but I don’t think it’s impossible. Although, if your friends knowingly chase the girl you fancy, it might be time to find some new friends. Claire might have chosen Brutus and Judas over you, but there are plenty of other girls out there who would kill for a nice chap like yourself.

—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of several years. I’m happy with the decision, and I’m happy being single right now. A girl does have needs, don’t you know? So where can I find a guy to keep me warm in bed? I don’t want a relationship, and I’m scared to end up with a clingy dude. Help me, Dr. Date! Cobwebs are starting to form down there!

—Just a Quickie

Quickie,

I don’t know if you’re a frequent Dr. Date reader, but follow along anyway.

When people complain about there not being anyone out there for them to date, I tell them they’re looking in the wrong places. I tell them to start checking out the guys/gals who are in the same activities as they are.

Well, if we follow basic math, you are not looking for a relationship, so you should not be looking for people who are similar to you. If you don’t mind waves of popped-collared guys coming at you, I recommend a bar. Why? Because men go to bars to get drunk and pick up women. You probably won’t be finding a prince charming there, but you’ll certainly find a jester or squire boy who is more than willing to help clean your cobwebs out. Remember to be safe; if they’re looking to hook up they probably have done so in the past.

Also, you might want to leave out the cobweb part — that’s a little too much information for a one night stand.

—Dr. Date