Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I have been in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now. Though we are two hours apart during school, we've managed to make it work out, and we love each other so much. There's just one problem ... before my relationship with him, I did not have a clean record. I lost my virginity before dating him. He, however, lost his virginity to me.

Last year, the question came up and I answered him honestly, and it's been tearing him up ever since. Usually when we are together, he says he doesn't think about it very much, but when we are apart he thinks of another guy having touched me almost every day.

He doesn't resent me for it, but he can't help but get depressed over the fact. I don't want to bring it up and talk about it with him because I don't want to remind him.

I have talked to him about it, but I think I end up just making him feel worse. I regret that mistake more than anything I've ever done, but I just can't change the past. I know we are going to make it through this, but I don't want him to suffer like this.

Every day I feel like I have to be cautious of what I say to him so I don't remind him of it. It feels like I'm walking in a field of landmines. What can I do to help?

Impure Past

So you’re like, a whack-o Christian, right? ‘Cause the thing about 2010 is: NO ONE CARES IF YOU HAD SEX BEFORE THIS DUDE.

I hate to come off like a jerk, but tough friggin’ nuggets. People have sex. It’s what they do. If you are, in fact, a hardcore Jesus-freak, then yeah, I guess I understand your problem. But, I still find it profoundly lame.

Let’s assume you’re a thinking person and none of this hinges on angel tears. If that’s the case, you’re not the problem. A rational human being would not care that you’ve had sex before.

You don’t have an “impure past,” you’re not spoiled meat, or used goods. You’re a person who had sex. Not a big deal.

The real issue here is your dude. He’s either terribly self-conscious (if that’s the case, we feel bad for him) or just a possessive lame-wad (in that case, we don’t).

If he truly is a self-conscious sad-sack, he might consider seeing a psychologist. Honestly. Or, you two could consider a relationship counselor. Somehow, someway, this guy needs to understand he’s being absolutely ridiculous.

But, if he’s just too bro’d out and macho to handle the fact that you’ve banged another guy (gasp!), then forget him. Get a man who isn’t crazy.

Or, maybe he’s just gay and can’t stop picturing the other dude. That’d be sorta awesome.

Best of luck and/or (possibly) god bless?

Dr. Date,

I am a very successful, attractive and happily single female (no ego, that’s what people say). I just like to chill with my friends and focus on school. I am very happy with my life.

I have a thing with an equally attractive and successful buddy and it is no worries. I know where we stand and I really don't want more, but then he shows up to a party he knew I would be at, with a girl who is not equally attractive, and it kind of threw me off.

I always assumed he had other girls on his team and although he's the only one I sleep with, he's not the only one I date. But dang Doc, I just thought that he could do better. Honestly if the chick was cute, I would understand.

But she wasn't, and honestly, I'm kind of hurt. I mean he was dancing with her all night while trying to scope me out when other guys approached me. That is stupid, so I’m through with that relationship

However, can you give me some insight on this? Why would he settle for less when you don't have to? I have my ideas, I just want an unbiased input. And am I jerk for thinking this way? I'm sorry if I am.

Sincerely,

So not Ego Trippin’ ... Jus Stumblin’ a Bit

Here’s what we know: you’re not arrogant (if you’re hot, you’re hot), but, you are prodigiously shallow.

Here are some thoughts:

— Maybe, just maybe, this visually inferior girl has a standout personality. Perhaps she makes him laugh, or even think.

— If she were “hot,” this would be a non-issue? Would it be “no worries?”

But, I think the core element here is the fact that this girl probably doesn’t go around extolling the physical and success-based merits of those around her.

Don't let your casual and emotionally-void sexcapades end on account of him settling for a mere peasant, just don’t think and bone on; I doubt you’ll have much trouble with either.