Dr. Date

Hello Dr. Date,

I need advice for my friend:

Recently, for her birthday, she received a homemade dinner, a night out and a back rub from a guy she has been in correspondence with for the past four years!
They had made love connections, then he dropped her for a girl he was on and off with for the same amount of time. They had periods of disconnection, but he always remained respectfully in touch, and they have almost everything in common and great chemistry.
The girl who competed for the guy’s attention was not his type, and they finally ended in August.
Now he tells me he is in love with my friend (and always has been), but his relationship with the other girl was simply because he was young and dumb and didn’t know how to end it. Believable, right?
Well, we all are about to graduate from college (and so maybe I’m too old to be writing you for advice, but I’m trying to prove a point), and he is afraid to lose contact with her. She is thinking about grad school in his hometown, and he is excited to have her there if she gets in. However, she (and I) are on the fence.
I don’t know what advice to give her. She is a very sweet woman and my best friend, and I can’t stand to see her hurt. But he is a rather stand-up kind of guy, and I know he at least truly appreciates her and doesn’t want to hurt her again.
Do you think he deserves another chance?
—Concerned friend

Hello friend,
Your letter, while touching and sweet, is also painfully transparent. To quote the illustrious Dr. Nick Riviera, “You don’t have to make up stories here. Save that for court!” Granted the only court you’ll be in is the court of love, but still.
Anyway, on to YOUR problem, dear. Sounds like you two were never completely serious. You mention the other girl with no wrath, there’s not an epic fight story, and you seem generally good natured (i.e. not scorned and bitter). And, not least important, he sounds respectful.
If your mutual interests have been piqued for so long and not fully explored, I say go for it! But make sure you both are prepared to make a real run of it. No more other ladies for him, no more dick-adventuring for you; despite impending graduation, give it the ‘ol college try.

Best of luck!
—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Last semester I met a guy and I was immediately attracted to him. A romantic relationship really never progressed, but the new semester has brought
confusion to my mind. We have already hung out multiple times since spring semester started.
Each time we have hung out, we’ve both been pretty hammered, yet we have only kissed each other goodnight. My hormones are driving my personal (ahem) time crazy! Does he want something more than just friends after all this? Do I sit back and wait to find out, or do I initiate an actual date?

—Riddle Me This

Dear Riddle,
I’ll tell you what he wants, Riddle; he wants the same thing your raging hormones do: sex. If you guys exclusively hang out wasted, I’d put the romance query on the backburner.
But the mutual blue-balling (Can a lady be blue-balled? As a turn-of-phrase, this Romanceology doctor says yes), that’s the immediate concern. To sex or not to sex? Hmm. If you’re really yearning as much as it sounds, get yours. By “get yours,” I of course mean wicked hot intercourse, and proper protection is always implied.
As for a relationship, or “ship,” as the kids say, I’d spend some quality time together with no boozin’ or screwin’ — it’s the only true test.
Sorry for the vague answer/gentle sex encouragement, but write back when you’ve got more details.

All the best,
Dr. Date

Dear Date Monster,
I am wondering what you think about astrological signs? As a guy, I had always been skeptical about things like this which cause girls to prattle endlessly, until I realized that most of my best friends all have birthdays within a few days of each other (Pisces) and noticed similar traits amongst all of them.
Then I noticed that I seem to fall for the same types of women (again, Pisces — they drive me crazy, and yet I seem to be helplessly attracted to them).
Is there a grain of truth in these ideas, or should I just stop analyzing and take a cute Pisces out to the top of Tate Lab and let nature unleash us?

—Leo the Lover

Ha ha, you’re a funny patient, Leo.
A couple things first:

- Date Monster? What’s that all about? My Romanceology degree from Sexmore University means I’m no monster; it means I’m qualified to help you out.
- Astrology signs were made up by people who didn’t know the world was round and were propagated by hippies who were too stoned to be credible. They’re bunk!
- Have public sex on top of Tate Lab; just bone horizontal so the fuzz doesn’t catch on.

Good luck!
Dr. Date