Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
I came into the new semester with a specific ideology: I am done showing interest in guys; I'll let them come to me. So far I'm failing. The guy I had the hots for last semester is showing interest. This is great and all, but why now?
He has mainly been the initiator of hanging out (multiple times already this semester), and we have kissed each other goodnight (intoxicated) twice. He definitely has a reputation of knowing and conversing with many girls. How do I read this? My mind is going off on weird tangents. What is he thinking?
—Confusticated

Confusticated,
He’s probably wondering if you’re willing to get freakier than any of the other chicks he knows. Are you willing and able to engage in sexcapades of German origin? Things you’ll need to cover the couch in plastic for?
Let him know you’re all in or fold the cards.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
Ever since middle school I have rarely been without a boyfriend. All through high school I was constantly attached. Now as a sophomore I have had no relationships to speak of, not even any friends with benefits. Every guy that comes into my life seems to walk right back out or screws me over.
I, as well as others, have said I'm a cute girl with a brain as well as charm. So why is it that no one sticks around? I know I can get a boyfriend — that much has been proven — but why now in college am I constantly dateless?
—Dateless and Clueless

Dateless,
“Constantly attached?” Sounds clingy, and let’s face it, you’re probably not as cute as when you peaked in middle school. You might even go so far as posting passive aggressive slash jealous things to potential boyfriends’ Facebook walls. Try doing something interesting with your life and you’ll meet people who share that with you. In the meantime, you’ll just have to use Craigslist like the rest of us.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
So here is a little knotty question. When is a good time when dating (getting it on) a new girl to ask if she has done it in the ass?
I imagine you can't just sneak in there, so do you talk about it soberly over dinner, or while watching a romantic movie or when hammered, or in the middle of all the action?
Also, if she has never tried, is it wise to bring up if she wants to experiment …? Just wondering.
—I like Big Butt

Big Butt,
Good luck, Big Butt, I’ve been barking up that tree for 13 months myself. Since it’s warmer, tighter and more degrading to women, you have the odds stacked against you, but persistence is key. I’d say try the celebrity likeness angle. Gwen Stefani, for instance is purported to adore rectal coitus.
Now, I’ll go out on a limb and assume the dingbat you’ve got your ding-dong buried in probably enjoys ’90s pop, because any hipster chick with more contemporary taste in music would easily go for some back door action.
Just tell her she looks like Gwen Stefani at dinner, even if she doesn’t. Compliments, after all, jam the logic system in the female prefrontal cortex. Then later and concurrent with mild inebriation, tell her how much Gwennie loves buggery. If it doesn’t do the trick with this chick, you’ll just have to use Craigslist like the rest of us.
—Dr. Date

Hey Doc,
Communication is the game, and well, I seem to be losing. I live with my boyfriend and I am so tired of doing all his dirty work. Laundry, dishes, stuff off the floor.
Granted, I do understand that we both do things to help around the place, but as soon as I ask for help, he pulls out the "I have done that (insert number) times." Honey, if you did do it I would not be asking you to help me, now would I?
We both have class and work. So, question is, how do I get it across that I want more help without being a complete ass about it?
—Tongue-tied Housekeeper

Housekeeper,
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Suggest “sexy cleaning” — it’s basically normal cleaning, but with more nudity.
Or offer to pay him. He won’t accept because he’ll be terrified of the “housewife” stigma. When he denies say, “Well then we’ll just have to start hiring a maid!” Being stupid, he’ll say, “What can we do to avoid THAT?” To which you’ll reply, “Well, sweetums, we can just clean together, equally.”
Those are both viable answers, but the fact of the matter is, if he’s a slob now, he’ll probably always be one. That’s why it’s good to cohabitate before marriage — you can still totally bail.
But seriously, good ‘ol fashioned nagging might be the best route. It’s time-tested and works, just look at your — and everyone else’s — mom and dad.
—Dr. Date