Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
I will be the first to admit that I am extremely inexperienced in dating, and I’m a virgin in every sense.
It hasn’t bothered me that much, mainly because I haven’t met anyone to make me eager enough to put myself out there, and I also don’t know what I’m missing. As you may have guessed, I maybe have met someone I want to take a chance with.
We have good and interesting conversations, but he seems like a good conversationalist with everyone. Even with my inexperience, I’d say he hasn’t shown signs of further interest. Still, I can’t help but want to ask him to go for coffee or lunch to talk some more. But are you allowed to do that if the other side hasn’t shown a lot of interest initially? Am I just asking for rejection? Also, we do have classes together, so that would be awkward. The other problem is that I can’t tell if I really like him, lust for him, like our conversations or if I just like the idea of liking him. I’m a bit confused.
—Conversing for More

Conversing,
Of course you’re allowed to ask him out for coffee. That’s actually the point of coffee. Well, that and to keep you awake after an all-night romp with homework, or a guy, if you’re lucky.
You can’t know if this guy will be someone you actually like until you talk to him. Coffee is a great way to get to know someone, unless they don’t like coffee. He might turn you down, but most people are up for grabbing a cup of coffee with a person they have a lot of classes with. You can even work in the idea of talking about a project or homework from class.
The point is to get this guy outside of the classroom and see what makes him tick and let him see what makes you tick. Just don’t be disappointed if his cup of coffee isn’t to your liking; there are plenty of other flavors out there.
—DD

Dear Dr. Date,
I’ve never written to you before, but as it is, I am perplexed on how to handle my current situation.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about four months now. We met in a class of ours and also became good friends with a guy in the class as well. Let’s call him “Joe.” Joe is the coolest guy, but my girlfriend invites him to almost everything we do!
Whether we go running, get coffee or study, she always tells me, “Hey, I can’t wait to see you tonight … and I invited Joe as well … I hope that’s OK!”
Sometimes Joe comes, and sometimes he declines the invitation, but I find myself becoming the third wheel on my own date with my girlfriend!
I don’t want to end up resenting either one of them, but I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to come off as controlling, and I like to hang out with him, but I barely get enough alone time as it is with my girlfriend! How should I approach the subject with my girlfriend without hurting anyone’s feelings? What should I say? Help me Dr. Date!
—Third Wheel in my Own Love Life

Third Wheel,
It certainly is no fun to be a third wheel, especially when you were expecting to be one of the main wheels. From your letter, you don’t seem like the overbearing jealous type, so you certainly have an interesting problem.
My idea would be to start taking control of the date plans. Go to her with a plan to see a movie or a museum and explicitly say it’s for just the two of you. You and your girlfriend need alone time, otherwise you’re not really dating her. If she still invites Joe when you ask her to a private event, you might have to confront her about your feelings. You can do this in a non-controlling and non-aggressive way.
Tell her that you want to spend time with her alone and that you two rarely get to be alone. If she gets defensive about the situation, you could be in trouble — or you might have brought up the topic too harshly. Start with taking control of planning the dates; most people love when someone else does the “stressful” planning of such things anyway.
Hopefully she’ll respond well to the change in dating procedure.
—DD

Dr. Date,
What’s up with all the Craigslist references lately? Are you getting paid off by them?
—Craigslist Hater

Hater,
No, this isn’t some secret mafia deal where I get a case of money in the back alley and then throw them my support. That’s how Network actually got taken down — just another unreported scandal, Dateopia.
Yes, Craigslist truly is a magical place of wonder, where you can find all manners of sin — a place where you can even anonymously sell that wretched bag your friend got you for your birthday.
Seriously, though, some people are not good at social interaction. A sad fact of life, but there are also a lot of people out in the world. Craigslist gives people a place to be as honest — or as not honest — as they want to be. It’s a dangerous place though, because a 20-year-old girl can magically become a 350-pound 43-year-old man. The Internet is a weird place.
—DD