Valentine’s Day: The less contagious V.D.

People tend to react to Valentine’s Day in a handful of manners.
First you’ve got girls who gush over the tacky carnations and stereotypical romance the holiday is known for. Then you’ve got the residents of the bitter barn who refuse to acknowledge Feb. 14 as anything more than a commercial production sponsored by Hershey’s and Hallmark. And finally there are the clueless dudes, the ones who purchase cards and roses begrudgingly in an effort to get laid.
We here at A&E tend to enjoy every cheesy holiday the calendar has to offer, and because we’ve got your best interests at heart, here’s a little guide to some not-crappy stuff to do on Feb. 14. We’re giving you ten whole days during which to plan, so use your time wisely.

Where to go
If you don’t make a reservation now, you’re not going to get a table at any of the Twin Cities’ most popular restaurants. Actually, if you don’t whip out your phone at this minute and reserve your seat, it probably won’t happen. We recommend the following, but remember, act fast!
Spill the Wine (1101 Washington Ave. S.) — Dim lighting and red wine. Perfect.
Alma (528 University Ave. S.E.) — One of the Twin Cities’ best restaurants and it’s right down University Avenue.
Nick & Eddie (1612 Harmon Place) — A little more punk-rock than romantic, but still lovely. Plus their french fries are to die for.
Bar Lurcat (1624 Harmon Place) — This D’Amico affiliate is 100 percent gorgeous, with an imaginative à la carte menu.
Fuji-Ya (600 Lake St. W.) — The most romantic (and best) sushi place in town.
Kafe 421 (421 14th Ave. S.E.) — It’s in Dinkytown, so it’s not an exotic destination, but the food is miraculous.

What to hear

Lovey-dovey edition:
“Fools Rush In” – Ricky Nelson
“For Once in my Life” – Stevie Wonder
“No Love At All” – Willie Nelson
“I’ve Just Seen a Face” – The Beatles
“The Way I Feel Inside” – The Zombies
“Thirteen” – Big Star
“For Me, This is Heaven” – Jimmy Eat World
“Be My Baby” – The Ronettes
“Oh Yoko” – John Lennon
And might as well add on “What’s Your Fantasy” – Ludacris featuring Shawnna

Alone and bitter edition:
“Divorce Song”– Liz Phair
“Crazy” – Patsy Cline or The Kills
“Sunday Morning Coming Down” – Johnny Cash
“I Need You” – The Beatles
“Remember (Walking in the Sand)” – The Shangri-Las
“Train in Vain (Stand by Me)” – The Clash
“Haligh, Haligh, a Lie, Haligh” – Bright Eyes
“Ex-Girlfriend” – No Doubt

For more: See the A&E blogs.

What to wear
OK girls, here’s a little secret: boys are easy. All they really want for Valentine’s Day is for you to slide on some stockings and garters. It might feel sort of strange at first, but after a while you’ll love the “Mad Men” lingerie underneath your dress. Trust me. And c’mon! There are a plethora of lingerie stores around, particularly Flirt on Selby Avenue in St. Paul, if you like your underwear frilly and charming.
He’s going to be far more excited about this sentimental holiday if you hint that you may be donning a corset or wielding a heart-shaped riding crop than if he suspects you’ll be wearing sweats. Live a little!
Of course, if you’ve got a V-Day date on the agenda, you can’t exactly show up in lingerie. You can, however, find a sweet little dress for the event. If you’re thinking sexy, look no further than the American Apparel pencil dress, a guaranteed man-killer. However, if sweet and innocent is more your style, try a slim black pencil skirt, ruffly top and a cardigan or jacket. Accessorize with sparkly, dangling earrings and lipstick, lots of lipstick.

What to give
Dudes: Girls don’t want a) chocolates, b) stuffed animals, c) carnations or d) mall store jewelry. Roses are pretty typical and lame, too. Can’t you figure out what her favorite flower is and get her a bouquet of those instead of some tacky red roses? Try freesias, orchids or giant pink lilies.
Small, thoughtful gestures are far more appreciated than something purchased last minute. If you’re thinking jewelry, try a website like etsy.com for something a bit more unique than the insipid crap they peddle at, say, Zale’s. Etsy’s even got a helpful V-Day guide if you’re clueless.
Ladies: V-day presents for guys are a little tricky. To be perfectly honest, the gift he’ll always appreciate is simple and free: “A wicked hummer on the slide” (as our resident boy advisor puts it, but in other words, fellatio with fanfare).
But if that’s not your style, most men would rather you steer clear of the sappy end of the spectrum. Remember to tailor your gift to remind him that you know exactly what strikes his fancy. Take a cue from Ron Burgundy and purchase a big ol’ bottle of fine scotch. Pick up an album you know he’ll like from The Electric Fetus or some easy-reading lit. We recommend music critic Rob Sheffield’s memoir “Love is a Mixtape,” which still makes us cry.
If you’re still failing to conjure the perfect idea, utilitarian gifts are always a safe bet. Nab him a pair of leather gloves or a wool hat to help him through the rest of the winter.