Dr. Date

Dear Dr.Date,

So I was born in Zimbabwe, land of the EXTREMELY tan. But I was raised in Iowa, which should be enough said. But in case you didn’t know, the population of Iowa consists of tractors, skunks and people of Caucasian descent. That is what I have grown up with, and that is what’s familiar to me. So my likes/dislikes are of someone who is practically white. Had you not seen the complexion of my skin, I guess you wouldn’t know that I was actually black.
Relationships are difficult. I’ve never been in one. I also have refrained from trying too hard. So it was kind of a personal choice to put the whole dating thing off until college for maturity and time’s sake. And since I grew up a “white” kid, I kind of only really like white guys. First semester, I tried minimally to develop a couple dating relationships. I have to admit I’ve given up. It’s just so hard because every person I’ve ever liked has never liked me back. Yeah, I know it’s depressing.
Honestly, I just want someone — preferably with a Y chromosome — to be intimate with. Nothing sexual. Just someone to cuddle with every night.
I know how our society works, so I realize that some things (race) just suck. I’ve accepted society’s ridiculous shallowness. I don’t know what to do. Should I continue with my failed efforts for a relationship, or do fate a favor and just wait?

Sincerely,
Lost

Dear Lost,
I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult time navigating the sometimes tumultuous waters of dating. I call them the chain of Date Seas, and they’ve confounded many a maritime sex adventurer.
It goes without saying that race relations are confusing at best and downright hateful at worst. But to me your letter smacks much more of a general sense of loneliness than one rooted in race.
Just because you’re attracted to white guys doesn’t mean you’re cursed to be ignored by them. I’d focus less on the white versus black mentality and focus more on naturally developing relations that, ideally, will provide the much longed-for nights of cuddling.
So know this: there’s nothing intrinsically “wrong” with you, your feelings are shared by MANY other prospective daters and you WILL find someone. Bottom line: dwell on the color of your skin less and pursue others (many of whom find themselves in your situation) more.

Best of luck.
—Dr. Date

Doctor,

There’s a girl that simply baffles me. We took a class together last semester. I put myself in situations where I could have talked to her, but found myself quite unable to do so, which could leave bad impressions. I frequent her dorm to hang out with friends, so I’ve seen her around.
After much hesitation and passing by her door over the days, I eventually did a stop-thinking-so-much approach and just went to her room and met her. I didn’t think it went too badly and she gave me a number.
However, now she ignores me, so I’m confused. I attempted visiting her room a couple times only to go unanswered. On the latest occasion she locked the door after I knocked, or at least I think she did. I’ve left it at that.
I’ve been trying not to make assumptions about everything, but there’s only so far before it turns to looking like a dense fool. I feel like there’s a lot to be gained through a friendship, and I’m not specifically looking for an intimate relationship. I’d still like to be friends with her, but it seems hopeless or like a misunderstanding is going on.

What do you think?

— I’m Like a Hunter of Peace

Hunter,
Ehh, I’m a little uneasy about the fervor with which you’re pursuing this woman. The fact is — prior to actually meeting her — you surveyed where she studies, dines and lives. You two talk in-person once and it didn’t go “too badly.” You proceed to visit her room and hear her lock turning at your presence.
I’ll be a glass-half-full type of love doctor and give you the benefit of doubt: You might not be overtly stalking this woman. With that said, the ball is clearly in her court. She knows you exist, has your number and will call/text you if she wants to.
Further intervention on your part treads way too close to creepy territory.
P.S. Don’t use the verb “hunt” when referring to a woman … unless they’re actually hunting deer or something. Yikes.
—Dr. Date