Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I’m an attractive sophomore PR student and let’s just say plenty of guys have made rings around my rosy. But I have a secret: no guy has ever taken off my bra!
I won’t let them, because I am convinced that my boobs are crooked. One points left, and one points down. To make it even worse, my nipples are different colors (purple and brown).
I am so ashamed of them I think I might need to find a fine arts major who will see some Picasso-esque beauty in my messed up goodies. The problem is, I’m dating a guy I really like and I’m tired of slapping his fingers away from my baby-feeders. What should I do? What if he sees my asymmetrical jugs and flees the scene?
— Ugly Lady Lumps

Lumps,
I don’t know how to tell you this … but your boobie diagnosis is grim. The verdict? They sound totally yucky — and that’s the most professional way I could have relayed that info.
So yeah, we’ve established the Romanceology arrived at condition of your chest, and it sucks. Fact of the matter is, most dudes won’t want to see your knockers.
But that doesn’t mean you should be ashamed of them. Nor does it mean all guys will object.
Still, if you find a guy who really loves you and is otherwise not grossed out, he won’t care. That is to say, your hoots aren’t deal breakers.
If they really bother you, there’s always cosmetic surgery. And that multiple color thing? That might require a real doctor. Look into it.

Best,
Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
Recently this girl I've been seeing has been doing this weird thing while we're on a date. Every time we go out to eat, she'll order massive amounts of food. I ask her if she is ordering for the both of us because of the amount of food she orders. She'll reply "no, that's just what I want" and I'll, with a surprised face, reply "whatever you want."
When the food comes, she'll eat maybe a third of what she ordered and then ask for a box for the rest. When the bill comes, guess who has to pay? Me. She'll then proceed to take the food back to her place and store it in her refrigerator until it molds and then she has to throw it away. I'm not crazy.

Here is one of her orders from the Olive Garden:

The GF: "I'll get the Calamari and Bread Sticks, also the salad. And for the main dish can I get the Seafood Alfredo with a side of Chicken & Gnocchi soup? Also, after we get our main dishes I’ll have the ... how is the White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake?"

Server: "Delicious"

The GF: "I'll have two then! Thanks. OH! Can I get another Diet Coke?"

Server (to me): "And would you like anything sir?"

Me: "I'll just have some of the salad. Thanks."

Help me Doc. I don't want to go bankrupt buying food for this chick. Other than the food thing, she can be great. Should I call her fat so she stops eating and ordering so much food?

— Poor Boyfriend

PBF,
There are a lot of ways to approach your dilemma. The obvious issue afoot here is a total lack of manners on your lady’s part. Seriously, that’s just messed up from a politeness standpoint.
The other angle — and the juicier one — is that she has some sort of warped, strange mold/food fetish. There’s a very real possibility that she pleasures herself to those mounds of rotting chow whilst pleasuring herself and thinking about you … or at least you spending money on her.
But back to your question: should you call her fat? It’s funny you jumped to that, because you never mentioned her being anything less than physically fit. She’s certainly strange and cryptic with her food, but I don’t see how calling her fat could improve anything.
So yeah, it’s totally within bounds to mention her nut-so consumption from a manners end, but don’t resort to grade school fat-calling.
Also, as somewhat of an aside, you should check out the song “Took My Lady To Dinner” off 2008’s “The Supreme Genius of King Khan and the Shrines” by King Khan and the Shrines; It’s badass and answers not just your question, but most of life’s deeper ones.