Dr. Date

Hey Dr. Date!
I broke up with my long-term boyfriend (four years) in December. Basically, we talked about it and decided to split on friendly terms. In other words, neither of us were really heartbroken by it. Our families were more upset about us breaking up than we were.
In February I met a guy I’m interested in, and we have started to hang out and get to know each other better. It’s going really great, and we get along very well! My question is, is it too soon to date? And how long should I wait until I bring him home to mom and dad?
—New Girlfriend

New Girlfriend,
There’s no chart or formula one can employ to decide whether it’s too soon to date or not; you really have to go with your gut. In my humble romance-doctor opinion: No, it’s not too soon to begin dating.
That said, common sense suggests it’s too soon to start seriously dating. You’re exiting a really, really long relationship — don’t hop immediately into a new one! So yeah, date. Have fun. Get free drinks and enjoy casual sex (if you’re into that).
But leave meeting the parents out of the equation for now. Not only is it too soon, but it’d also be unfair to this new dude because he’d be constantly and painstakingly compared to your ex by these still-mourning ‘rents of yours.
Happy dating,
Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
I have a problem: I am torn between two guys. One is my best friend who has confessed his feelings for me and the other is a guy who I have known for a while, but we have gotten to know each other very well recently.
They are both very different.
Guy 1 is basically me but in a guy’s body. We could talk forever if we really wanted to. His neck down is the only thing that is attractive on him, but I am drawn to him just from when we talk about random stuff. We do this a little bit every day, and some talks last for hours.
Guy 2 is my best friend, is attractive and treats me well, but when we went on a date, it was like dating a middle schooler. He paid for everything though, which is a plus, I guess. He drives me crazy, though, wanting to hang out all the time.
I don’t want to break my best friend’s heart, as he’s still a nice guy. I have more feelings for Guy 1, though. I need some help Dr. Date, because at some point one of them is bound to find out!
—Shaken or Stirred?

Shaken or Stirred,
It sounds like you’ve already got your mind made up. So we’ll skip the Guy 1 versus Guy 2 debate. Aside from an ugly mug the former seems to have it all. Rarely does a potential mate come along who clicks so soundly, and it sounds like this dude is quite the match.
Which brings us to the best friend, or “bestie,” the operative Myspace term. He sounds like a pretty nice — if naive — chap. I can tell by the tone of your letter that letting him down will be akin to kicking a puppy. But sometimes, and call out the PETA contingent on me now, you got to wallop that dog.
There are countless clichés you could bust out on the ‘ol bestie, but they all are variations on “I can’t lose you as a friend.”
This might be entirely true. Heck, it probably is. Still, it’ll just sound patronizing and emasculating to your BFF. Remember when Lisa told Milhouse he’s more like a big sister? Yeah.
Just say something to the effect of, “You’re a great guy, my best friend, but I just don’t see us being more.” It’ll be honest and to-the-point. Granted, he’ll be initially pissed, but at least he’ll respect your ballsiness.
Happy devastating,
Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
Where are all the good times? I transferred to the University of Minnesota this past semester and I need to find a place where one can easily get a one night stand.
I’m only 20, so that limits my possibilities. Where could I go that is nearby where I won’t be asked my age and everyone is looking for a little fun?
— Stranger in this Town

Stranger,
Hmm, your age certainly does limit the options, but fear not! If Dr. Date is about one thing, it’s getting folks laid.
The obvious choice is University Avenue. You’ll be met at the door with a bro’d out bro asking, “Where the girls at?” So you better not show up alone or with a gaggle of dudes.
There you’ll find lots of first-year and sophomore sorority types and even more desperate non-sorority types. The emphasis on booze and hormones will work to your advantage.
Beyond University Avenue, there are scant few options. Secret indie rock basement shows typically have kegs, and indie chicks — as a means to come off as sexually progressive — are oftentimes as eager to bone as their sorority counterparts.
When you’re all grown up in a year, certain bars will have obvious reputations, and you’ll be swimmin’ in it.
Happy humping,
Dr. Date