Hot Prof. Fever

RateMyProfessors.com is an excellent resource for students to get a user-rated gist of what their prospective professors are all about. But the site doesn’t just score teaching ability; it gauges sexiness, too.

The University of Minnesota has no shortage of babes, hard-bodies, neck-turners and studs behind the lectern, and A&E caught up with some of the choicest hot profs. Any and all could have opted for careers in modeling or upper-tier escorting, but their throbbing, wet brains and deep lust for knowledge led them to us.

Stefano Bloch — Department of Geography

Stefano Bloch, a California native, exudes West Coast cool. The 34-year-old graduate instructor harbors vast reserves of knowledge under his sexy, bald dome and has the bulging, tattooed biceps that most professional thinkers only dream of.

The whole idea of Rate My Professors (RMP) makes the ever-modest Bloch a bit insecure, but he knows 15 of his 18 ratings stated the obvious: this punk-tinged population professor is hot. Oh yeah, and Bloch has a message for the three students who shorted his hotness total: “You don’t need to state what’s already consensus,” he said with a laugh.

Bloch studies graffiti and its cultural/historical significance, and he says the devil-may-care act of vandalism provides an afterglow of hotness.

“The feeling you get from it is incredibly hot,” he added.

Jealous professors aspiring to reach his lofty prowess needn’t try, but the ever-generous Bloch has altruistic advice for them nonetheless.

“Ignorance is not only bliss; it’s hot,” he pontificated, suggesting wannabe-hot profs shouldn’t acknowledge the fact that they’re being evaluated and should simply play it cool.

Bloch, who boasts unreasonable levels of braininess and sex appeal, has used those traits to lure a mate — one with whom he has a 10-month-old baby. If his being off the dating market wasn’t bad enough, Bloch also plans on returning to southern California to start his professorship.

So ladies, try to pay attention while his honed arms gesture during explanations of spatial theory. And fellas, use those notebooks to take notes not just on demography statistics but also on how to be academic napalm, not unlike the professor.

Michelle Driessen — Department of Chemistry

Michelle Driessen is the University’s second hottest professor, with 23 RMP claims laid to her striking looks — second only to Economics minx Gina Pieters’ 25. A native of tiny Canby, Minn., Driessen, 40, teaches an online intro chemistry course to a whopping 2,000 students.

The online format doesn’t cheat her students entirely, as video lectures are posted to eager throngs of male chemistry scholars. Driessen laughed at the notion that her killer looks might distract during lectures, but when pressed further, she couldn’t definitively say they don’t. But what’s her take on the oldest of questions: Which is the hottest element on the periodic table? Driessen tabbed thorium, and not for a nerdy reason but for sensual one.

“It’s the coating on the little heating mantle on a Coleman lantern,” she purred. “And it casts a romantic glow over my husband and I’s campsite.”

The man in Driessen’s life is a little nervous about her total babe status at the University and stressed that she mention his existence, Driessen said. But the two seem an ideal match, with an adorably Minnesotan vision of a perfect date.

“I like to fish with my husband,” she said, adding that the pair’s first date was a fishing date. “Our perfect date would be a picnicky/campy kinda thing, then going out and catching a bunch of walleyes.”

If she’s half as good at catching fish as she is at catching glances on campus, this smokin’ chemistry prof could put StarKist out of business.

Keith Mayes— African American and African Studies

A large topic of debate on New York native Keith Mayes’ RMP page isn’t focused on whether he’s hot; the smooth-skinned, athletic Mayes has pristine stud credentials. Rather, the contention is over which version is hotter: braided Mayes or faded Mayes? The jury, much like Mayes’ early 2000-era cornrows, may never come back on that one, but there’s a uniform verdict on his general studliness.

“I don’t pay attention to the hotness rating,” Mayes, 42, said of his RMP page, pointing out that what the students are saying about the classes trumps all else.

An ardent professional, like his hot prof cohorts, he even came back to his field when discussing historical hotties.

“[Civil rights activist] Marian Wright Edelman is the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Period,” he said, also confirming that civil rights leader and politician Andrew Young was pretty handsome in his day.

Mayes’ hotness is of a dangerous bent. Not only does he possess smarts and looks; the dude’s diabolically romantic. Recently, Mayes prepared an elaborate, home-cooked meal for a lady friend and scattered rose pedals throughout the house, he said, adding that the pedals led two different places, with a wry grin. We can only assume he’s referring to the coat rack and the Bible study room. Either way, this very romantic, very single prof is looking good while making the rest of us chumps look bad in the process.