Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I was reading the Dr. Date section today and stumbled upon the letter of Seeking Some Social White Girls. I’m a cute girl who's social! I’m not sure why he had to emphasize the white (that gives me some qualms about this dude), but would you, Dr. Date, be able to get us in touch with each other?

—Cute and Social

Girl With Qualms,

Normally I don’t play matchmaker — not after the fiasco that ensued when Fun Bobby asked me to set him up with Goldy.

The best I can do is print your letter and wait for this charming, extremely-selective young man to respond. Did I think it was odd and unnecessary that he specifically noted he was looking for white girls in a letter? Yes, but who am I to judge — oh wait, this is my column, so I have every right to!

Does not dating someone of a different race make you a bad person? No, but actively excluding them from any possibility of a relationship does.

Maybe you’ll get lucky and someone classy and respectable will write in asking for you. If I get a submission with a grand meeting scheme, I’ll be sure to print it. And if things work out and you end up getting hitched, make sure to invite me to the wedding — provided it’s an open bar. Just don’t invite me to any baby showers. Little Dr. Dates aren’t my cup of tea right now.

—Dr. Date

Doc,

Well Doc, I dunno where to begin. I was an ugly child ... a severely butt-ugly child. I got negative comments about the way I looked until about 11th grade, when I started weightlifting, filled out a bit and I got myself looking healthy.

Also, I have never had a girlfriend, and being a sophomore at the University of Minnesota it is kinda embarrassing, especially for a guy. I’ve had some drunken hookups, one of them being with a good-looking woman. But I get comments from my friends like “all the ladies want you, but you turn them down.” I even had two young ladies come up to me in the Centennial Dining hall last year and say, “You're adorable, just thought you should know that” (but I think they were just patronizing me.)

I feel like people are feeling sorry for me and I don't trust their intentions … I still feel ugly.

There was one girl who lived in my dorm last year — the most beautiful exotic young woman I have seen in my life. My heart pounded and raced whenever she got within 20 feet of me. I've spoken with her a couple times, but I felt like I was going to implode, and can never remember what I said to her. She told me that she would try to smile at me, but I always looked like I hated the world. I could not talk to her, even though her roommate said she said she thought I was cute.

I don't know where to turn. My past is so full of negative thoughts about me that I can't get them out of my head unless I’m sh**faced.

My guy friends sometimes think I’m gay or tell me to grow some balls, but believe me: I am not gay and I can’t grow anymore balls. Girls are scared to approach me because they think I always look pissed off, but I’m not pissed off, I'm just extremely nervous.

Please help me find a way not to worry about being myself and to get that pussy off the pedestal. You're my last hope!

—LOVE HUNGRY (more like starving)

Love Hungry,

First off, you need to find some new friends. Your current ones don’t seem to be filling their end of the bargain.

I’ll try not to be harsh, as it seems you suffer from massive self-esteem problems. You need to find a way to be happy in your own body, otherwise it won’t matter if girls think you’re the most beautiful man since Adonis; you’ll be so unhappy that no relationship would work.

How to boost your confidence and get over your past is something I can’t tell you, that’s what you have to figure out. University Consulting and Counseling Services offers free counseling to students, I’m sure that wouldn’t be a bad place to start. That’s certainly not the only option, as everyone is different and the answer could be as simple as getting involved in activities.

As a final parting note, maybe you should avoid saying things like, “get that pussy of the pedestal.” How shocking that girls don’t instantly throw their clothes off when they hear that.

Boost your confidence, don’t worry about your inexperience, and just have fun with other people. Everything else will work itself out.

—Dr. Date

Doc,

I keep seeing this one girl all around campus, and we always seem to lock eyes. I am digging her and was wondering: Is it just coincidence that I keep seeing her everywhere, or maybe something beyond my control is hinting at something in the future? What is your opinion?

—Fate Is What We Make It

Mate with Fate,

My opinion is irrelevant. All that matters is she has caught your interest and your curiosity has started to paint a picture of your future. If you see her again, talk to her. Otherwise you’ll probably just spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been (especially now that I’ve told you that you would probably spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been). Good luck, and hopefully I haven’t filled you with regret.

—Dr. Date