Professor: "I feel like getting high right now ... How long would it take to get a couple of joints in here?"
Student 1: "Forty-five minutes!"
Student 2: "Twenty, if I call my dad."
—Political science lecture
"If my pants weren’t so tight I would moon you!"
"I’m sure some adults could go through a crawling phase, just like I’m sure some of you go through a crawling phase on Friday nights."
"After we were done he actually played ‘I Just Had Sex.’"
"I don’t want to think about oral sex when I’m eating my waffles!"
Girl (yelling on phone): "I’m not your mother!"
"You know what they say, when in Rome ... hump and dump."
"When Nayler rode into London naked on an ass, declaring he was Jesus, that
probably raised a few eyebrows."
"They write poetry for each other [for Christmas]. I want to beat these people."
Girl (studying for anatomy): "I mean, I like the penis but not the scrotum."
Guy: "This lunch was productive ... and by productive I mean delicious."
Girl: "All you ate was chicken nuggets and cookies ..."
—Sanford dining hall
"No, I don’t really like gambling, but I do really like suits. I really need to get more suits.’"
—Carlson School of Management