Dear Dr. Date,
This weekend I was displaying my usual ice-cold dance moves at a party, and this foxy lady felt the vibe. We exchanged numbers but didn’t hook up or anything. It was clear that we had each been putting in serious time at the keg that night.
My question is: Should I even bother giving her a shout at this point, or was it a drunken fling? I’d certainly be up for seeing her again, but I need a smooth line to initiate the conversation. My friends are giving me differing opinions so I figured I’d schedule an appointment with the doc.
—Dancing With Myself
First of all, you cannot qualify anything as a fling unless there was at least kissing involved, so no, this was not a drunken fling.
At this point you don’t know much about her, and calling her would most definitely be weird. Sending her a text message in which you have to remind her of who you are is also less than romantic.
What you’ve got to do is wait until the weekend and send her a text message early Friday night before you go out. If you’ve got a place to go, let her know of your plans and ask her if she’s got anything up her sleeve.
Working through the phone is impersonal and dry. Your best chance of putting face on face with this girl is when you’re face to face.
Dear Dr. Date,
I’m single, I’m cute, I’m funny. Whenever my friends and I go out to the bars or a party I’ll talk to guys, we’ll flirt and hit it off, but when it comes time to seal the physical deal it’s always another girl, not me.
A close guy friend recently told me that "They"ll go home with (insert competition’s name here) tonight, but you’re the girl they want to wake up with." Uh, I appreciate the kind gesture, but a girl’s got needs!
I’m not looking for a relationship right now, just some flirty fun. How can I take these encounters one step further without whore-ing myself out?
As far as I’m concerned, this is a question of your mentality. If the girl is always your competition, you’re going to be trying to outdo her and in the process lose some of your charm. A better way to go about it is to think of her as your wing woman.
Instead of putting a cold barrier between you and the other girl, receive every opening she gives you with grace, and don’t be afraid to tout her good qualities as well. Let the warmth between you and your friend spread to the guys, and after a few minutes you’ll be surprised to hear them asking more about you.
Now all you’ve got to do is respond with eye contact and a smile, which I’m sure your single, cute and funny self knows well enough already.
Dear Dr. Date,
So this good friend of mine, a girl, wants to set me up with one of her friends who is "super pretty." Like any smart guy, I had to do a little Facebook creepin’. Let me tell you, super pretty is not the phrase I would use. How do I tell my friend that I’m not at all interested in or even attracted to this girl without hurting her feelings?
Facebook stalking may single-handedly be destroying the blind date and the friend hookup, but if it saves you some trouble and some unfortunate girl some heartache, then I’ll prescribe it. There are a million excuses you could use to get out of this situation. Try any of the following:
— "I’m not looking to date right now."
— "I’m sort of seeing someone else right now." (She’ll probably see through this, so try to play it off like you’re a new item.)
— "I’m really busy."
— "I need to focus on school."
The problem comes in the end game. You’ve got to follow that up by:
— Not dating.
— Pretending to be busy.
— Pretending to focus on school.
Now, if you want to save yourself a little trouble and stay available for someone else, you’d just be better off saying you aren’t interested. One man’s 10 may be another man’s two, but the only one who should bother rating this girl is you. Your friend will understand that.