Overheard Around Campus

Guy: “The peas are totally ruining this dish.”
Girl: “There are barely any peas.”
Guy: “I swear to God, I can taste the F’ING peas!”
—Cowboy Slims

“You gotta buy that Playboy calendar! It’s like 365 days of jacking off!”
—Dorms

Professor (taking attendance): “A class without a Johnson would not be complete!”
—Lecture hall

Guy 1: “So, are we going to watch the Super Bowl together?”
Guy 2: “Is it on a weekend?”
—Vincent Hall

Instructor: “It’s cold out. I demand global warming! Your homework this weekend is to pollute!”
—Literature lecture

“… And then he put the penguin in his backpack.”
—Coffman Union

Professor: “I could really fry a lot more than an amplifier. Graduate students are replaceable; amplifiers are expensive. See, I do care about safety.”
—Physics lecture

“You just keep sucking and nothing comes out. Then it all comes out at once!”
—Tea Garden

“I’m in architecture; I have to smoke weed.”
—Campus Connector

“I hate the Green Bay Packers more than communism, and I absolutely hate communism.”
—Coffman Union

“It’s like salmon on my face!”
—University Village

Professor: “I was so impressed with his recycling, and now we have two kids.”
—Biology lecture

“It’s not easy to have an orgy in a one-room apartment. You just don’t have the space.”
—Anderson Hall

“I just stepped on my tooth.”
—Pioneer Hall