Overheard around campus

"It’s like our minds are wild lions, and this subject is a very unfortunate antelope."

—Bailey Hall

"I don’t think I’m big enough! I want to be bigger!"

—Frontier Hall

Girl: "So I had a beer with this old guy in a hot tub."

—Wilson Library

"I dance awkwardly too well."

—Middlebrook dining hall

"Joan Rivers is like when you look at a bottle and realize it’s only 2 percent juice."

—Frontier Hall

"Everything gravitates towards my crotch."

—Pioneer Hall

TA: "So who wants to mate with Samantha?"

Guy: "DIBS!"

—Biology lab

Guy: "So, I’ve been trying to grow a mustache ... It’s so hard."

Roommate: "Just don’t shave ..."

—Uptown

"Does ‘Blue’s Clues’ have a porno?"

—Middlebrook Hall

"I’m going to look like a bruise, but a SEXY bruise!"

—Centennial Hall

"I don’t remember getting blackout last night."

—Apartment building

"I’m rather fond of her, in a one-night-stand sort of way."

—Frontier Hall

"I can’t believe that two weeks ago, I was considering going lesbian!"

—Centennial Hall

"I already talked to my dad about dating my cousin."

—Pioneer Hall

Girl 1: "What are all these people doing here? Convention, maybe?"

Girl 2: "Must be a Carlson thing. They’re dressed like douchebags."

—McNamara Alumni Center

"My penis stopped hurting! No STI, yeah!"

—Centennial dining hall