Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I have been doing the whole friends with benefits thing. It’s great, but I feel as though the two of us are actually developing something more (feelings! Ahh!). At the beginning, we both said we’d just like to chill and it seemed OK. Is it possible to not be like the Hollywood movies and actually just be friends with benefits? If so, what do you recommend? Or is love just an inevitable side effect of this particular situation?
—Confused
 
Dear Confused,
OK, let me get this straight. So you’re saying after a brief period of some healthy no-strings-attached fornication the two of you are discovering you might actually like each other. And this is a problem? I just want you to know somewhere out there are throngs of sex-deprived singles scoffing at your letter.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
 Last weekend I was at a party and I was really hitting it off with this girl. Eventually, we ended up alone in a room together and I was sure we were about to get into something. Then, out of nowhere, she asked me if I’d ever had a “stinky gentleman” before. Needless to say, nothing ever happened between us. I don’t know what a stinky gentleman is, but it sounds depraved. Do you know what this act is? Should I have said yes?
—Mr. Clean

Dear Mr. Clean,
No, no and no! A thousand times no! If it’s too extraordinary to be on Urban Dictionary I don’t trust it one bit.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I had told myself that I would not fall for anyone until my graduation, but then I met this wonderful person whom I can’t help but feeling attracted to. The problem is that I don’t think I have a chance for anything besides friendship. Although he is very nice to me and we hung out a lot before school starts, I think it’s his nature to be nice to everyone. I don’t know how to get him out of my mind. I have tried to avoid him, but it seems that my body doesn’t want to listen to my brain anymore. And while all this confusion is going on, one of my guy friends asked me out!
He is very nice to me as well, but I can’t feel anything for him besides friendship. Why is it so hard for the right person to like you and for you to like him back?  I am very confused about what to do; please help me out.
—Stricken

 Dear Stricken,
Well, hot damn. So you decided to play the ’ol ‘oldest narrative in the oldest book’ card on me, eh? Look, I can’t tell you how to convince your friend to like you or your other less-beautiful friend to not like you. Luckily, I got a steady diet of rejection all throughout high school and what I learned is this: Take what you can get because being alone and hopelessly hung up on someone feels a lot worse than having to be with someone you only kind of like.
So take a weekend off, drink some red wine and watch every John Hughes movie in existence. This might not solve your problem but damn, that dude sure knew how to make a good Rom-Com.
—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
I’ve got three girls in my life that I’m juggling like Bozo the Clown right now. The problem: One is official. It’s obvious I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now. Do I tell the good girl the truth or let her down in the dark?
—[Expletive]

Mr. Ass,
Well you’ve certainly put your commitments on the backburner. It’s not exactly refreshing to know that somebody can throw away all sentiments just for a few nights of hot, passionate love making that may or may not have gone on for hours.
Tell her. If you don’t tell her you’re going to have to lie a lot and she’s not going to understand you at all, and you’re going to end up hooking up with her in the future and being even more of an [expletive]. Make her hate you. You deserve it.
—Dr. Date