Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

How do you approach a completely random girl (me being a guy) that you think is attractive, in a public place — like the sidewalks of campus? But here’s a twist, instead of you answering, I would like you to shout this one out, and the ladies of the U (single or not) should respond with some good ideas. Seriously ladies, should I just say you’re hot, or ask you about the book you’re carrying ... What’s a better way to start?

—Hot in Public

Hot in Public,

Here’s what you shouldn’t do. You shouldn’t walk up to a perfectly suitable young dame and use a line like, “Hi there, pretty girl. I’m looking for that perfect mixture of sugar and spice to be my best gal. But here’s the TWIST. I don’t want it to be you. Can you go ask that pretty girl over there if she will be mine?”

That’d be like, you know, writing in to a dating advice service and asking for someone else to give you the advice.

I cast you out!

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I want to stay with my girlfriend, but I’ve got this feeling that I could live a satisfying life just banging broads all over the globe. What to do, Mr. Date?

—Mr. Suave

Globetrotter,

This is man’s oldest dilemma. Some fend the wanderlust off with a robust moral sinew. Some keep a ship docked at home, but unscrupulously hop on any ol’ rowboat of the night. Some completely set off rolling, thinking they’ll gather no moss.

I’m not going to say any of these is best for you, but keep a few things in mind. The urge to go out a-ramblin’ on Love Highway and stay a night at each exit is often a belligerent desire. You say you’re looking for satisfaction. Well, the satisfactions you’ll get on the highway will be fleeting, and unless you’re a regular Don Draper, you’ll be spending a lot of nights alone. The road is a ruthless place, and you can bet you’ll catch an itch to wanna take your weary ass home. Just don’t expect to be let back in the door once you’ve left.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

Have you noticed how many beautiful women there are on this campus? Isn’t it sad that they’ll soon be going indoors for this stupid thing we call winter? I’m not a womanizer or anything, I just love appreciating the natural beauty of the great American female. What can I do to make the most of my woman watching before they all go indoors?

—Mad Eye

Creepy guy with binoculars,

I’d say first you have to find yourself a good perch. I advise climbing atop Folwell Hall and bringing yourself a large mug o’ coffee and a good ol’ fashioned pair of binoculars and keep those eyes peeled!

Easy ways to get arrested aside, I’d say you need a prop to keep your mission disguised. Of course these struttin’ females want you to be looking at them, but they don’t want you overtly goggling. Grab a notebook and a pencil, sit outside a coffee shop in Dinkytown and pretend you are a poet. That will give you an excuse to admire your surroundings without being bothered (no one wants to talk to a poet).

Who knows, you might even discover something about yourself in the process.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

If roses are the way to a woman’s heart, what are sandwiches?

—Confucius

Einstein,

Sandwiches are food items that usually consist of two slices of bread, with one or more filling betwixt.

I didn’t realize the ignorance of my patients. Next week, I’ll cover hot dogs (this one will be useful for you, ladies).

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

So last week, I went on a date with this guy and had the most interesting conversation. He’s smart, driven and has basically all of the things I’m looking for in a husband. The problem is, I’m still waiting for him to call me back. I’ve texted him a few times and I get sparse responses, but not enough to satisfy me. I want to call him, but don’t want to appear too clingy. What do I do?

—Betty

Betty,

This doesn’t look good. I’ll turn to my good friend Waylon Jennings for this one: “Be careful of something that’s just what you want it to be.”

This man is smart, driven and perfect, but how much do you really know about him? If you go on dates with a man and you wonder if he is hiding something from you or if he is really interested in you, ask yourself these three questions:

1)    Have you seen his apartment?

2)    Have you met any of his friends?

3)    Does he initiate communication?

If you are answering “no” to these questions, this might be a guy who’s going to keep one foot in the door and one foot in the hallway — and he might not be worth it. You don’t want half a man, Bets — you want it all!

But, don’t give up yet. It’s just one date. Stop nagging him. Give him space. Let him call you. If he doesn’t, it may be for the best anyway.

—Dr. Date