I never thought I’d ever write into this column even though I read it religiously.
But, alas, I have a dating dilemma: About a month ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a guy who she thought I would be great for. So, I ended up finally meeting him at a friend’s house, and we spent the whole time talking to each other there. At the end of the night, we exchanged phone numbers, and since then we’ve been seeing each other every week.
I really like him. We get along really well. He’s funny and smart. We talk for hours when we’re together, and he’s really damn cute. There’s one problem though.
Despite the fact that we’ve been seeing each other for about a month now and always have an amazing time together, he still hasn’t tried to pull any moves on me. I’m not the type of girl who looks for a quick hookup, and I’m definitely not ready to sleep with him. All I want is for him to kiss me, dammit! It’s been a month, and we still haven’t had our first kiss. At the end of our dates, I’m always hoping he’ll kiss me goodnight, but that doesn’t happen. I don’t even get a hug. So now I’m questioning whether he even has those kinds of feelings for me, or if he’s just too shy to make the first move.
We haven’t talked about what’s going on between the two of us (if we’re dating or just friends?), but we always hang out alone, he insists on paying for things when we go out and he’s really nice to me. Even though we’re in the 21st century, I’m super old school when it comes to the guy making the first move. I know that he hasn’t dated much and neither have I, but I just feel like if he doesn’t kiss me in in the next few weeks, I’m going classify him in the dreaded “friend zone”... which I really don’t want to do.
So, what’s a girl got to do? Should I throw myself at him and make the first move? Is there anything I can do so that he can get the hint? Should I/how do I ask him what’s going on with us? Or am I just delusional and this guy doesn’t have those types feelings for me?
—Never Been Kissed
If you talk even half as much as you write, he probably hasn’t even had a chance to plant one on ya.
If you’ve only hung out once a week for a month, that’s only four times.
It seems like you can’t get over yourself enough to pucker up and push your face in his general direction.
“I’m going to classify him in the dreaded “friend zone”... which I really don’t want to do.”
You go girl! But really, seeing as you like him, and it’s unclear how he feels about you — how much is that really going to hurt? And for whom?
“So, what’s a girl got to do? Should I throw myself at him and make the first move?”
Why do you describe your first move as, “throwing myself at him”? I really hope you will not turn your body into the physical equivalent of a human spitball and toss a fast one at this guy.
Sounds like you’re a’skeered to embarrass yourself. But isn’t that what this whole silly dance is about?
Drop out of the “old school” and get yourself some booty with your bare hands. We’re livin’ in the 21st century, sweetheart. Nothin’ wrong with a little “Are you shy? Or just super friendly? What would you say if we made out? Nothing? That’s what I like to hear!”
Wouldn’t you rather take a chance and go beyond your “comfort zone” then stick to your debutante ways and never find out if this gentleman could ring your southern bell? A’clang clang!
I am a guy with a major problem. I can’t tell the difference between a girl being nice or a girl that is coming on to me. I can’t make a move because I am too worried that I have misread the cues from the girl. I am worried about being single forever. Can you give me some hints?
— Single N’ Worried About It
Single N’ Worried About It,
Let me just squat down and hike up my khakis, Danny Tanner-style and lay a little life on ya.
Single forever? You’re in college, not a nursing home. The time to be worried about dying alone is when you are dying and alone (say, post-mountain lion attack in the woods or convalescing and your caretaker “will be right back.”)
A great way to gauge if someone likes you is reading their cues. If a girl is sensuously rubbing her breasts and looking straight into your eyes while mouthing, “Do me,” in the middle of calculus class, she’s probably pretty interested. If, on the other hand, she rolls her eyes and audibly scoffs at everything you say, you might want to hold off on any come-ons.
Cue-reading is a fine art to be honed over time but stick to a basic script, and all players should follow through with the demands of their parts. Like a lion tackling a fine gazelle, get your prey to stray away from the pack. Something along the lines of, “Hey we should hang out sometime.” (subtext: alone)
If you and the lass in question (if there is one you wonder about) can get some alone time, that’s usually a better place to take a pulse on the whether the sexual tension is just a case of too much attention — if you can even get the hangout together in the first place. You’ll do fine.
Keep worrying about being “single forever” and you might just be, though. Nobody goes for that, “Woe is me,” crap. Chin up, chuckles. Your naiveté might just be endearing. Just don’t let it veer into insecurity.
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