Dear Dr. Date,
So I’ve been dating this girl for a few weeks, and it’s been great. We have the same interests and sense of humor. But a friend recently showed me her blog, which she updates regularly. I wouldn’t have a problem with that if I wasn’t the subject of many of her posts. She broadcasts to the world things that I thought were private. If she continues the blog, that’s a dealbreaker. But I’m worried that if I break up with her, she’ll smear my reputation on the Internet. Do I confront her about it or just end it without confrontation?
—Not A Technophile
Was it Bill Shakespeare or Burt Reynolds who said, “Language is what separates man from the lesser Apes?” Or did I just make that quote up? We’ll never know.
What we do know is that this is the age of information, and that has made privacy, both in and out of relationships, trickier than a car full of monkeys. Now more than ever it’s important to communicate with your significant other: Use your words, and figure your issues out before it boils over like a bowl of microwaved chimp brains.
Don’t “confront” her; talk to her. Let her know that you have a problem with her blogging about your relationship. If she’s as cool as you say, she won’t have a problem with that. If you just randomly end a good thing without telling her why, then without a doubt she’s going to publically make a monkey out of you.
Dear Dr. Date,
I’ve been struggling with this for a long time, and I just have to get it out: What’s an adequate amount of sexual partners to have had in college? Five? Ten? Twenty? I’ve been keeping my tally, and I’m starting to worry that I’m a slut. Without broadcasting my number all over campus, can you ease my conscience?
—I’ve Been A Little Saucy
I get asked this question a lot, and there is a clear and specific answer to it. If you do not match up with it, you should be very ashamed. The answer is whatever you are comfortable with.
It’s cool to take sexual advice from an outside source (otherwise I’d be out of work), but it’s not cool to measure your worth that way. Sure, you might sacrifice some reputation if you’re shaking any waving dick, but what really matters is what you see in the mirror.
That said, you might want to do some soul searching if you’ve reached triple digits.
Dear Dr. Date,
I am an avid fan of your corner here in the Daily. However, I must inquire about your conflicting advice this week. On Tuesday, you suggested this guy’s ex would “come around eventually” if he chose to remain friends.
Then, in today’s piece you say that friendship with an ex won’t work to get back together.
—What Am I Not Understanding?
I thank you for your comments and for your readership. You see, I can become a bit, shall we say, schizophrenic throughout the week. Sometimes I could swear that on Monday and Tuesday I’m one person, and then — bam! — on Wednesday and Thursday I become much more intelligent, altruistic and attractive. It is very strange indeed.
Therapy session aside, you must forgive me, for my marbles were particularly garbled on Tuesday. I maintain that friendship after love works better in a pilot pitch than in real life. To be sure, there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, but I am not paid to address the elite 1 percent of people. Occupy Love!
To those of you out there saying “OMG my ex and I are TOTALLY BFFs” — that just may be, honey, but wait until he gets a new girlfriend or you two wind up in the classic “We’re drunk and there’s only one bed, and it’s cold outside” situation. Then see if it’s totally over.
Indeed, the flame of love never dies; it only dims — and the only way to escape its warmth is to run. Run far away from it.
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