Dear Dr Date,
Every year my credit card company sends me a companion ticket for a free flight with the purchase of a flight. My ex-boyfriend and I had planned on using one of these for a trip together prior to breaking up. After we broke up, we remained friends.
What kept me in the friendship was that during the breakup, he said he wouldn’t discount the possibility of dating in the future — our relationship just wasn’t very well timed when we dated.
We have hooked up a few times since the breakup, and despite agreeing with the breakup (despite being the dumpee), I have this gut feeling in my stomach that he’s the man I’m supposed to be with, even though we’re not together right now.
He’s now dating someone new (and 80 miles closer to him than I was!). After receiving the companion ticket offer the other day, I floated the question of if he would still want to take a trip with me, and he said he did very much.
He’s one of two people I have ever truly loved. I’d like to rekindle things between us eventually. Would this trip be wise?
—Wanting To Get Freaky At Disneyland
Too bad your credit card company doesn’t send you free brain cells in the mail, am I right? (Goldy and I just high-fived.)
Bad, mean-spirited jokes that lead to awesome mascot-friendship points aside, you have to get real here. Would this trip be wise? I haven’t had a clearer “no” since five minutes ago when Goldy asked me “Are we NOT best friends, Dr. Date?”
Consider the exchange here: What does your man get out of this? He gets an opportunity to treat his ex-girlfriend like his mistress far away from his new boo and, oh yeah, a free trip to freakin’ Disneyland. And what do you get? You get to be treated like a mistress, all while wasting a perfectly good trip to the land of Bugs and Daffy and Harry Potter rides and ice cream cones and … holy Sam Hill, I want to go to Disneyland.
I don’t want to underestimate just how difficult it is for you to see your ex
go. And I don’t doubt that you two had more than just a trip planned, but the unforgiving bulldozers of change don’t often take prisoners.
But hey, there’s no use crying over a free trip to Disneyland. Take your mother, or your friend or a new guy. When you board that jet, let it be symbolic of your departure from your ex and all that you had planned together.
And if you really don’t want to go, drop the two tickets off at the Minnesota Daily office. I know certain doctor/burrowing rodent combo who could use a best-friend excursion!
Dear Dr. Date,
Lately there seems to be a general consensus that now is when I am meant to be in a relationship. I never really felt the pressure to be in one until recently.
It seems like everyone (my family, my friend and my roommates) all keep asking if I’m seeing anyone, who I’m bringing to the next holiday party, if they can set me up with their boyfriend’s friend’s brother’s whoever, etc. You get the picture.
And while I think it could potentially be nice to have a consistent hookup with that additional emotional connection everyone is talking about, honestly, I’m really not too fussed about having it right now. Maybe I will in May after I’ve finished my senior project. Is it normal to want to hold off on a commitment until it’s convenient?
—Busy In The Library
While it’s of course important for you to follow your heart, choose your own way, and other clichés that pertain to being self-motivation. I don’t recommend setting a future date to start dating. Remember: The farmer who waits for perfect weather never plants.
That’s not to say that you need to take up so-and-so’s offer to go to the pasta bar with his/her friend’s mailman’s friend’s mailman’s mailman. But if something good comes along, don’t expect him to twiddle his thumbs while you finish your senior project.
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