Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I’ve been dating this guy who I met last semester for four months now.

Right after we made our relationship Facebook official, an old flame of mine contacted me via Facebook chat and wrote this: “I [expletive] up with you. You are an awesome person. I thoroughly enjoy your presence. Innately, for a reason I cannot comprehend. I should stop talking.”

And then signed off.

The next day, he sends me a message saying, “I’m sorry, I was in a funky mood last night.” I didn’t reply, I just instinctually deleted him as a friend. Once I read what he wrote, all of these old, really deep emotions I had for him resurfaced and I can’t get him out of my mind since then. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I knew him for five years. We went on three dates two years ago, but it just never happened because he left for school out of state and I never contacted him again.

We never even kissed.

When he said that he [expletive] up, he means that he was back home over the summer and didn’t contact me once to hang out.

Anyway, I feel awful because it’s getting in my way of progressing emotionally with the relationship I’m currently in, and I feel really guilty about feeling so confused even though I haven’t done anything. I can’t stop thinking about this awful old flame. I had forgotten about him until he showed up in my life again like that, and now it’s stunted the feelings I have for my current boyfriend.

The guy I’m with right now is great in every way, but I just can’t help but comparing the feelings I had for the old flame with the ones I have for my boyfriend. The thing is that I’m not in love with my current boyfriend, but I had really, really deep emotions for that old flame guy. I’m not sure if I can even compare the two because one I’ve known for four months and the other I knew for way longer. What’s a confused girl to do? How do I move on? I wish a hypnosis procedure like the one in the “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” existed.

 —Clementine

Spotted Mind,

It’s clear that you don’t want to extinguish the old flame. There was some powerful igneous activity there — you didn’t even kiss, and he’s still heating you up from miles away.

You and I both know that you could extinguish this easily by adding him to your blocked list. But you don’t want to, I can tell.

If he wasn’t out of state, you’d gather some logs and set that ish on fire. And honestly, I’d encourage it — I’d instruct you to set this very newspaper ablaze and stick it under that log pyramid.

But he’s out of state, and you have a boyfriend.

Things that happen in your head don’t technically count as cheating, but you’re being unfaithful to him by dividing your heart up.

—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I have a very different problem than most of the people who seek your wisdom. Indeed, I have a boyfriend, and we are very happy together. Unfortunately, I have discovered that he is just too comfortable!

Whenever I go over to his place to watch a movie, or even a quick TV show, I fall asleep on his shoulders! He is warm and soft, like a koala! He thinks it’s cute, but I always miss so much of whatever we are watching, and we are afraid that one day we will both fall asleep and miss our classes.

What can I do?

—Sleepy

Nap Addict,

If these siestas are such a problem, you should just cut down on the tube time.

But look at me! Where are my manners? I almost forgot. Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

What are you two doing tonight? Cozying up for a few hours of “Wings” re-runs? Oh, or maybe there’s something good on ABC Family! If you don’t want to end up in the arms of Morpheus, make sure you’re tuning into good stuff that you both like.

Really though? Go ahead and let yourselves sink into a little slumber. You’re busy students, and you work hard. It’s excellent that you choose to spend your leisure time with a big, warm koala. Sweet dreams.

—Dr. Date