Overheard around campus

“Every time I have feelings for a girl, I end up punched in the face, pushed to the ground, kicked to the curb and curb-stomped over and over and over!”

—Washington Avenue bridge

“You find the definition of ‘hipster’ in the architecture building.”

—Frontier Hall

Guy: “Yeah, they’re this metal band, and all they do is sing about pirates!”

—Centennial Hall

“Newt Gingrich ... we could have a whole class about the [expletive] that guy says.”

—Ford Hall

“You can accidentally backhand someone by turning around quickly ... I do that to children sometimes.”

—Coffman Union

Guy: “Can I ask you a question? Are you on LSD right now?”

—Unknown

Guy: “So did you go out last night?”

Girl: “Yep!”

Guy: “Because you still have beer in your hair...”

—Purple Onion

Professor [shows class her Google Reader page]: “I have an update for the zombie apocalypse ... just want to be prepared.”

—Murphy Hall

Professor: “Okay. That’s easy. So what do we do with this problem?”

Student: “Erase it.”

—Math lecture

“The other day I got distracted from my homework and tried to learn Gaelic.”

—Frontier Hall

Guy 1: “There’s actually, like, a huge problem with squirrel overpopulation in the city of Minneapolis.”

Guy 2: “We should give someone in Carlson a gun to take care of it but with only one round.”

—Comstock Hall

Professor: “What is a model? Other than a sleazy, long-legged woman who gets mad at her husband when he loses the Super Bowl?”

—Unknown

“I chase my whiskey with yogurt.”

—Dinkytown