Dear Dr. Date,
Up ‘til now, I’ve been operating under the assumption that there was some unknown reason as to why I never get asked out. However, it was pointed out to me that in new situations (not involving alcohol), I tend to be rather quiet and, seeing as permanent intoxication is not a viable option, I am wondering how to be more outgoing (particularly as I’ve given up drinking for the semester, thus ruling out even potential party hookups). I should also add that I love talking to people; I just tend to fail at taking initiative. So how do I get that same courage, in order to initiate a conversation, sans liquid?
And, no, I am not an alcoholic. I just never learned how to indicate my interest to the opposite sex until I discovered the tongue-loosening effects of alcohol and have been relying on it ever since.
Tip #1: Dance like nobody’s watching.
If I told you the world was going to end Dec. 21 this year, what would you do?
That’s right: You’d start chatting up hotties left and right. So start living your life like it’s about to end. Because someday (hopefully someday decades and decades and decades away) it will. You’ve read the bumper stickers — you only live once, so do it up.
Tip #2: Give yourself a platform.
I assume that the type of convo-striking you do at parties is totally unsolicited. I picture you prowling up to strangers and executing the Doc’s favorite move — yes, the old-fashioned Saying Hello and Finding Common Ground.
And to you, and many, many, many others, this move feels weird during sober times. That’s because it is. But if you find the right stage, it will be easier to strike up the band.
I hate it when advice columnists tell people to do this, but (say it with me): Consider joining a club.
A club meeting is similar to a party in that multiple people are meeting each other for the first time. You’ll get to practice meeting someone for the first time and you won’t feel like you’re going out on a limb.
Pro tip: Find an off-campus club, because chances are good that you’ve already scoured the not-so-Golden Gopher offerings. Try Meetup.com, for real. You can find people (real people!) with similar interests and meet up with them. Bring a pal if you’re scared of creeps.
Dear Dr. Date,
I met a cute girl at a coffee shop. We ended up having a conversation about poetry and doing the crossword puzzle. It was sweet to say the least, and while we were sitting there I decided to write her a poem. When she left, I gave it to her, and I wrote my number on the back.
I was trying to turn the tables to see if a girl would call the guy for once. I ended up seeing her the next day at the same place. It turns out she works there too. I decided to make her a drawing, and I slipped it in the tip jar. Fast forward, she hasn’t called me. What should I do? Should I pursue further or should I just assume she’s not into me?
There is a chance she didn’t get the message — maybe she glued your poem straight to the front of her Trapper Keeper without flipping it over. And maybe a jealous coworker emptied the jar before she could get a hold of your drawing.
But those are unlikely.
What was in that poem? Was it creepy? The Doc hopes it didn’t go anything like this haiku:
Girl I love you so
I know we just met today
but you WILL be mine
And how about the drawing? Was it of you two kissing? Was it of her on a leash, the other end of which was in your hand? (Readers, you never know with artsy guys.)
Try one more time, and this time, don’t pussyfoot with the fine-arts garbage. Look her straight in the eye, say hello and ask if she wants to go on a date with you. A spoken invitation can’t get lost in the mail.
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