Overheard

Bus driver [on bus going to St. Paul]: “Did you see any animals?”

—Campus Connector

Girl 1: “His sweater is amazing! It looks like a sunset but in reverse!”

Girl 2: “You mean a sunrise?”

Girl 1: “Yeah …”

—Gopher Way

Guy: “So, we’re doing a ... presentation in our, uh ... science class. Could we have, like, a bunch of condoms?”

CA: “Really? That’s what you’re going with?”

—Sanford Hall

Art student: “I should take knitting classes! It could be, like, a hobby that I could make money off of!”

Guy: “You mean like your major?”

—Unknown

“So did the doctor give you your herpes cream?”

—University Village

Girl: “We did that one thing, and we were like ‘Oh, that was so hard!’ and then he was like, ‘Alright, now get on your stomachs.’”

—Washington Avenue bridge

Guy: “You can have my wife.”

—Middlebrook Hall

Professor: “I don’t always remember this equation ... but when I do ...”

—Physics lecture

Girl [tuning viola]: “Ah! I broke my G-string!”

—Middlebrook Hall

“Everyone knows the only way to cure a jellyfish sting is to pee on it, duh.”

—Coffman Union

Professor: “Opiate withdrawal causes spontaneous ejaculation and orgasms ... Well, at least it’s not all bad, right?”

—Willey Hall

“Have you ever read ‘Savage Love’? It’s like Dr. Date on Viagra!”

—Northrop Mall

Professor: “I’m sure there are more than a few ladies who like to blow stuff up.”

—Tate Laboratory