Overheard on Campus

Professor [to student]: “Yeah, except for that one creepy quirk, I’d say you’re pretty smart.”
—Unknown

Accounting professor: “Imagine a mechanic tells you he can fix 37 percent of the car for $189. You can do one of the following things: One, get out your calculator; or two, grab that smart-ass by the collar and slap him!”
—Hanson Hall

“I don’t trust rabbits. At least, anthropomorphic rabbits.”
—Frontier Hall

Old woman: “What’s a vaporizer?”
Young guy: “It’s like a bong but classier.”
—Dinkytown

“Sometimes I find myself rationalizing cocaine ... like, it just makes you concentrate really hard.”
—Carlson School of Management

Girl 1: “Hey it’s National IHOP day ... they’re giving away free pancakes!”
Girl 2: “Where?!”
Girl 1: “... IHOP ...”
Girl 2: “... Oh.”
—Unknown

Girl 1: “So I was at the store yesterday, and I saw this guy who looked like Shaun White from behind, and instantly I wanted to bang him. Then he turned around, and I realized he was like 60.”
Girl 2: “Eww …”
Girl 1: “I don’t know, I still kind of wanted to.”
—Campus Connector

Girl: “What is the rate of disappearance?”
Guy: “How fast you can put on your invisibility cloak”
—Ruttan Hall

“I am going to try to get an autograph though, because he’s my friend’s favorite person in the world. Well, favorite after me.”
—Coffman Union

Guy 1: “They were only $8 at BigLots.”
Girl 1: “I didn’t know you shopped there.”
Girl 2: “It’s like the off-brand Kmart.”
—Unknown

Girl 1: “I thought you didn’t have class today?”
Girl 2: “I don’t. I came here to see all the mopey, sad faces of people who do.”
—Coffman Union