Overheard

“I don’t want you knowing where the radioactive triceratops bones are.”

—Nicholson Hall

Guy 1: “I think I’ll go to Hooters today.”

Guy 2: “You mean for lunch?”

Guy 1: “Uh ... sure.”

—St. Paul

“Have you heard about the new penguins they have in Alaska?”

—Outside Dinkytown McDonald’s

Girl 1: “I think I am just going to sleep with him until I leave to study abroad and then when I get back see how I feel.”

Girl 2: “But he’s so stupid, though!”

—Washington Avenue bridge

“I am brilliant for buying the book for that class! I am brilliant!”

—Hanson Hall

“My professor’s gone today ... he’s probably on a Hogwarts trip.”

—Willey Hall

Guy 1: “How do mermaids have sex?”

Girl 1: “Forget that — do mermen even have penises?”

Girl 2: “I think that their tails come together in a scaly dance of love.”

—Campus Connector stop

Girl 1: “Oh my god! The best thing happened to me today! My faith in humanity has been restored!”

Girl 2: “What happened?”

Girl 1: “A guy actually texted me back.”

—Middlebrook Hall

Girl 1: “She lost, like, 50 lbs in 2 months.”

Girl 2: “Really? I swear that’s illegal.”

—Dinkytown McDonald’s

Girl 1: “I can’t wait for osteoporosis!”

Girl 2: “Um, why do you want back problems?”

Girl 3: “I think you mean menopause.”

Girl 1: “Oh, is that what that’s called?”

—Dinkytown

Prospective Student: “Which dorm is that?”

Tour Guide: “That is Comstock Hall. That used to be the all-girls dorm.”

Parent: “Back then, we called it ‘Livestock’ Hall.”

—Campus tour outside Coffman Union