Overheard around campus

Math Professor: “I have nothing against affection, but let’s keep our hands off each other during the quiz.”

—Rapson Hall

Professor [after glancing at his phone]: “Somebody remind me after class to call my mother.”

—Hanson Hall

Guy: “I don’t have the necessary oils ... nor the proper training in their use.”

—Campus Connector

Guy: “So that’s why people do this naked.”

—Northrop Mall

Guy: “This would be easier if I could use my thumbs but ... uh ... I can’t.”

—Panda Express

“Ah, I’m so sore. I did like three pushups yesterday.”

—Coffman Union

“I don’t understand how someone could run 20 miles in one sitting.”

—Centennial Hall

“I like to remind people of their flaws.”

—Comstock Hall

[Girl leaving class for work]

Guy: “Have fun at work!”

Girl: “Yeah, if you guys read a story about a girl killing high school prom-goers, that’ll be me.”

—Unknown

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be a jealous wife. I’m good at chasing — I’m just not good at capturing.”

—Bailey Hall

Guy 1: “I got dumped.”

Guy 2: “What did you do?”

Guy 1: “I just didn’t do something she told me to do right away.”

Guy 1: “Can’t blame her then. You know, girls are like cellphones ... They like to be held and spoken to but push one wrong button, and then you’re permanently disconnected.”

—Middlebrook Hall

Student to professor: “If he (another student) did bad on the paper, maybe everybody sucked, and there’s a curve.”

Professor: “There’s no curve! (laughs) The bodies of the dead won’t raise up the living.”

—Nicholson Hall