Dear Dr. Date,
My situation all started last semester, when a cute young lady sat down by me at the library (the one with books). I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her, and the fact that she was studying o-chem was even better, as I am in a science major as well.
Fast-forward a month or so, and I ran into her randomly at a party. I mentioned to her “that one time” at the library, and we shared some pleasant conversation and some laughs, but that’s all that happened.
Fast-forward again another month or so, and there she is at the library again. I mustered up the courage to go talk to her and ask her for her number; she gave it to me, and I was really excited.
After that, we had a few nice “getting to know you” text conversations and tried to get together on a few weekends in a row, but it never seemed to work out with our plans. Then all of a sudden she stopped responding to me completely, and I was really bummed because I genuinely wanted to get to know this girl. Even when we occasionally see each other on campus, it’s like she has no idea who I am. I don’t know what happened.
I don’t get it, Dr. Date. What did I do wrong? Can I make it right?
—Dazed And Confused
Women can sure make you walk the tight rope, eh pal? They have, as Leonard Cohen puts it, lips that say “come on, taste us,” and when you try to, they make you say “please.” Then of course, when you say please too much, they think you’re a creep and stop responding to your text messages.
On behalf of all the confused men out there, why don’t you go ahead and let out a profanity-fueled scream?
Feel better? OK, now let’s put our thinking caps on. The answer to your first question, “What did I do wrong?” is actually pretty simple in its complexity: You got too desperate. You were right to approach her at the party and at the library — that’s what she wants, to be wanted. But you went wrong when you kept bothering her on the text messages; she doesn’t want to be wanted that much.
So now, how can you make it right? Well, you either need to get uber-aggressive or lay low. You could approach her next time you see her at the library or the Library, grasp her lovingly by the shoulders and lay a wet one on her. This is a two-way street, though, either toward “Yes, take me! Take me!” boulevard or down slapped-across-the-face lane.
What’s going to be easier and what you’ll probably do anyway, is give her space and wait. If she really did like you, her desires will ferment as your indifference becomes apparent, and she’ll start to wonder, “What happened to that library guy who used to be annoying but now is so totally hot all of a sudden. Why doesn’t he want me anymore? I’m a perfectly good catch. I must go after him. He will be mine.”
Women are strange.
If you don’t hear from her, or you don’t run into her again (you don’t have to overtly avoid her) — sorry to say, pal, this one probably ain’t happening for ya. Dust yourself off and come away a more learned man.
Dear Dr. Date,
Your advice was excellent but it may help to add. She says the ex “smashed my heart:” To me, this means he was lying. Lies are the most hurtful.
Why did he come up with lies about her? Perhaps someone smiled to him, and he felt he had to get rid of “confused,” and he made up lies about what a terrible person she is.
Now that it failed with the girl who smiled, he wants his benefits back. But who can trust a liar?
First, to those that read this and thought to yourselves, “What in the name of Ann Landers is Big Jimbo talking about?” You’re not alone.
It took me awhile, but after wading through the syntactic muck I realize ol’ Jimmy McGee is responding to advice I gave a damsel in distress April 9, adding his own touch, trying to do my job for me.
Thanks Jim, for your additions; they were very much appreciated.
Now get the hell off my lawn.
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