Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I’m crushing on this guy I don’t know that well. All right, it’s more like a crush from afar. The only thing is, I can’t quite tell if he’s gay or not.

Based on stereotypes only, he wears kind of fitted clothing, but I don’t think that indicates much anymore. We don’t have mutual friends, and Facebook doesn’t give a hint. Any way to figure out so I can crush on in peace?

—Lacking Gaydar

Gaylord Clueless,

Hello! Welcome to the 21st century. I’d like to introduce you to a few people: Please say hello to Zac Efron, JC Chasez, Mario Lopez and a million other dudes (not all of them semi-lame pop stars/dog talent show hosts) who like to wear v-necks but also like girls.

To your left is the No-Way Zone, which is where we put people who speculate about other people’s sexualities and decide how to treat them based on those speculations.

And to your right, we’ve got the Promised Land, a judgment-free land I want you to explore. Maybe take my pal Goldy along for the ride. How would you like that, Goldy?

Goldy’s sitting here with me, nodding so hard it’s like he’s trying to get rid of his head.

Because what Goldy and I know, and you seem not to be privy to yet, is that stereotypes suck, and you shouldn’t let them rule your life. Stereotypes suck. Stereotypes suck.

Stereotypes.

Suck.

Got it?

Also, here’s a fun secret I’d love to tell you about crushing — it can always be done in peace. You are the master of your own domain, so go ahead and crush on whoever you like.

If it turns out this guy is gay, boo hoo/congratulations. You were right, Miss Straight and Narrow Minded! Are you happy?

If he’s straight, say hello to your new fashionable beau.

—Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

So I’m not going to ask a question, but I’m hoping you can help me do something. I’m a girl here at the University of Minnesota, and with classes and everything else going on, I’m finding it hard to meet guys on this huge, busy campus and have a genuine conversation to get to know them better. What I would like to do is put this message out into the University world:

I am looking to meet some new men and maybe go on some casual dates in order either to make new friends or to meet a potential soul mate. If any guys out there are interested in getting to know me better, you can email me at [email address removed] and tell me a little about yourself.

Dr. Date, I will be very appreciative if you could get this message published for me. However, if you don’t publish this, thank you for your time, and continue the good work!

—Ms. Want A Guy In My Life

Miss Direction,

What’s with the letters today? Has nobody heard of being chill or progressive or using the World Wide Web? The same browser you used to submit this message could have been used to open up a profile on one of the many platforms created specifically for people like you.

I’m talking about dating websites. And you should open up a profile on one.

I know there’s a stigma attached to online dating, but it is more embarrassing to have to explain, “Um, I begged a love columnist to print my email address in our college paper. Of all the weird freshman boys from Middlebrook Hall who emailed me, he is the least creepy one! Look at him! Isn’t he cute? He has kind of learned the bus system, and he can buy me a nice lunch at the Panda Express in Coffman Union! I just love newspaper dating. You have to try it.”

That does not happen.

Open up a dating profile. You’ll be able to scope in the privacy of your own home when you have the time. And you can get to know somebody pretty well before you open up the in-person door.

Happy surfing.

—Dr. Date