Dear Dr. Date,
What are your feelings on the appropriateness of using dating websites/apps while in a relationship? A friend of mine saw my boyfriend using Grindr ...
It doesn’t say he’s in a relationship or anything, and he’s been traveling lately for work. He cheated on me once in the past with his ex, so now my suspicions are fired up. How do I approach this? Is it one of Liz Lemon’s deal-breakers?
Are you clueless? I am astounded that you don’t see what’s going on here. Listen up, Cher Horowitz.
Dot #1: Your boyfriend is traveling all the time.
Dot #2: Your boyfriend has a Grindr, an app that allows him to find other gay/bi men — and it uses geolocation technology so that he can find dudes wherever he is.
Dot #3: Your boyfriend’s profile doesn’t say he’s in a relationship. Meaning that he’s acting like he’s not in a relationship. Meaning other guys have no idea he’s in a relationship.
It doesn’t take a love Ph.D. to connect these dots. This is 1001-level cheating — no, kindergarten! Break out your box of Crayolas, baby, and start drawing those obvious lines.
I don’t know what the Lemon Law on this says, and honestly, I don’t care. I’m the sheriff in this town, and the Doctor Date Decree states that your boyfriend is feeding you a bolonga sandwich, drizzled with indiscretion and stuffed with infidelity. You want lies with that?
Cheating is a 100 percent deal-breaker.
Make an emergency landing on this jet-setting jag.
Dear Dr. Date,
I have a problem. I have been dating my S.O. for a few years now. I am a senior and have been trying to plan my future all year. I hope for a very good career, a career that will take me places to find new opportunities.
Whatever I do, I see myself vying for any great opportunity that I can, and that may include relocating. I hope to go to graduate school, which would not be in this state.
This thought makes my S.O. uneasy. It makes my S.O. cry, leading to no actual dialogue about it. I find it unfair. Here I am, dreaming of my future, dreaming of my career, while my S.O. cries at the thought of me moving away or being away for a long period of time.
I don’t know how to approach this. I don’t know what to think. I don’t believe I should limit myself to the opportunities (or lack thereof) found in Minnesota. I have stressed that I would always put the thought of my career above anything else. What can be done?
You may say you’re a dreamer, but you’re not the only one.
The Doc, too, dreams.
I dream of a day where your S.O. (that stands for significant other, readers) can look you in the eye and say, “I love you, but I understand that you have to do what you have to do.”
You can’t force your S.O. to do that. You can’t force a person to understand what you need and what you want. You can only dream that if they’re really as significant as the acronym you assign them implies, they’ll try their best to be supportive.
Your teens and 20s are a time to discover what matters to you, and a time for you to establish what kind of person you’re going to be for the rest of your life. It’s also a time for you to grab hold of important opportunities. It sounds like you’re a driven person and always have been. I imagine that you’ve never gone back and forth about what’s really important.
So you’re totally right — you have to focus on yourself. Your future is you. It’s dangerous to think of your future as you plus your S.O.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be kind and gentle with your sweetheart. Speaking of dreamers, your little lover is totally one. All your partner dreams of is you, and being close to you for a long time. Your S.O. may already understand completely how important your future is to you. But the only future your S.O. can realistically imagine is his or her own future — a future that won’t include you. No wonder your S.O. is SO sad. Tread softly.
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