Dear Dr. Date,
A few months back I met a great guy. He’s cute, funny, our dates are awesome and the sex is amazing.
HOWEVER, I don’t get to see him very often. We both have busy schedules between school and work. OH. He also lives in Rochester. Lately, he’s been dropping hints that he’d like us to be something more.
Quite frankly, I wouldn’t mind that either. I’m worried of a repeat of what happened to my friend who dated someone in St. Cloud for six months. They were a great match for each other from what I could ascertain. But because of the distance (close enough to be within grasp, far enough to be a biotch) and differing schedules, their relationship devolved into petty bickering and cheating.
Looking at that situation, I’m apprehensive. I don’t want the same thing to happen with me. Can long distance relationships actually work, or should I tell him it’s no bueno? (He indicated he plans on moving back to the Cities when he graduates.)
I say go for it. But you know, I’m easily swayed by cuteness, funniness, awesome dates and amazing sex.
Long distance mega sucks, but I think I’ve developed something of a theory on it: If you’re willing to accept it for what it is, it can work for you. If you can drop the whole, “See you in 17 days!” shtick and enjoy someone’s Skype presence and handwritten letters for what they are, then it can work for you. But I’d be hesitant to rely on the light at the end of the tunnel — that part can easily be romanticized and then just as easily disappear.
Dear Dr. Date,
My best friend just got engaged to a total dick. She knows he’s not good to her, but I think she just got excited when she saw the ring and said, “Yes.”
What can I do to show her that she probably shouldn’t go through with this? I just want her to be happy.
—Don’t Want To Be That Bridesmaid
Maid Of Honor,
Your instinct may be to play her a montage of all the time her fiancé has been dick-y to her, but it’s time to suppress such childish instincts.
This is adult stuff. Your best friend is getting married. It’s time for you to be supportive, and I know that that doesn’t sound right, but it is.
The only viable way to put a stop to this is to buckle into your DeLorean and sail back to the moment they started dating and say something like, “Oh, whoa, toots, he’s not right for ya.” I’m guessing that in the actual past, you assumed that the relationship would run its course, and she’d end up single, and you’d be able to do the old-fashioned, “I hated him all along! What a tool! Let’s go eat ice cream and then get way drunk!”
But now they’re getting MARRIED! Holy sanctity.
Have a little faith in your main girl and trust in her and her judgment. This is going to sound incredibly hypocritical given my line of work, but there’s something to be said for not casting too much judgment on other people’s relationships. Sure, you see them together, and you hear her account, but the fact remains that there is so much more to their relationship that you don’t see. These things are complicated.
If there’s something I don’t know about from your letter, like if there’s an issue of safety, then I think you should do everything in your power to put a stop to this. Physical, sexual and emotional abuse are never to be tolerated. If that’s the case, then I give you full permission to get all Will Ferrell on her ass and shout, “THIS WEDDING IS HORSE[expletive]!”
But beware that she’s basking in the pre-wedding glow and won’t be interested in your nay-saying. So gather the troops — enlist her mom, her other friends, her dad, her sister, whoever you can. If you can prevent an abusive marriage, that’s your duty as a human.
Good luck. And good for you for being a concerned friend!
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